The Slant — Vanderbilt University's Humor Publication

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Mrs. Fields Makes Fatty Cookies to Tame Cheating Husband

The cookie baroness, Mrs. Fields, has filed for divorce from her husband of 10 years. She was unavailable for comment, but her lawyer made a statement, saying, “Mrs. Fields is a victim of years of indiscretion from her husband and is merely looking to finally put all this to rest and move on with her [...]

Huntsman Trys to Energize Campaign by Acting Like Lady Gaga

“The key problem with my campaign was that I didn’t appear completely crazy,” said Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman at a press conference yesterday. The former governor of Utah and ambassador to China rode a pink unicorn on stage and had painted his face in a sickly combination of black and white to resemble a [...]

Tourists Flock to See World’s 50th Largest Ball of Yarn

Tourism in Quebec has seen a spike in recent weeks which many in the area attribute to the recent opeinning of the “World’s 50th Largest Ball of Yarn” exhibition in a barn just outside the city. Three months ago, the city decided to move forward with plans to create and then exhibit the ball of [...]

Tales from Our Trip to The Liberty Bowl

5:30 pm- Depart from Dallas  6:00 pm- Wait in traffic outside of Dallas  6:27 pm- Drive along I-30, stare at plains on the side of the highway  X 6:59 pm- Pass by store called “Beer:30,” avoid swerving ’89 Dodge pickup exiting Beer:30’s drive through, question the ethics of a drive-through beer store  7:11 pm- Bored [...]

Even Deaf Basketball Players Need to Wear Dr. Dre Headphones

New freshman basketball stand-out Steven Pinnauricle was recently pressured into wearing Beats by, Dr. Dre headphones, around campus despite being completely deaf. Pinnauricle, born in southern Ethiopia, lost all of his hearing in an accident involving a hammer, an anvil, and a stirrup. Not letting his disability impede his promising athletic career, he secured a [...]

From The Editor

The Slant’s Funny University Rankings Metric Explained

Each school’s funny index is determined by the formula: [(R)/Tx10+ (M/P)]/SxL= Funny Index Where: R= School’s Rank in US News and World Report T= Number of Letters in School’s Name M= How many men were in Starbucks at the time I was compiling their stats. P= A Randomly Generated Number from 1-10 S= Number of [...]

Letters to the Editor 12/1

Dear Slant, I can’t tell you how helpful your holiday recipe guide was! I especially like that you went out of your way to only include recipes that didn’t involve any actual cooking. When I was first assigned to bring mashed potatoes to our family’s Thanksgiving celebration, I was terrified. But your simple instructions of [...]

From the Editor: My Sister is Really Smart!

My sister is super smart! Just check out this thing she wrote for her history class in high school. It’s a mock interview of a Roman general: ====================== You may have heard of Clementicus’ “10 to 1” victory at Merionicon, but as his general Johanthancus says, “the Romans scraped by, barely defeating the Volturi.” What [...]

Letters to the Editor 11/10

Dear Slant, Mom says it’s time for you to come downstairs and eat dinner. We’re having that broccoli casserole stuff with mashed potatoes and the leftover hot dogs from last night. Mom says not to let you just sit up in your room. You have to come downstairs. Mom says you spend too much time [...]

From The Editor: In Honor of Andy Kaufman

Mister Trouble never hangs around When he hears this Mighty sound. “Here I come to save the day” That means that Mighty Mouse is on his way. Yes sir, when there is a wrong to right Mighty Mouse will join the fight. On the sea or on the land, He gets the situation well in [...]

Thoughts on the MLB Playoffs

Abbott: Well Costello, I’m going to New York with you. You know Bucky Harris, the Yankee’s manager, gave me a job as coach for as long as you’re on the team. Costello: Look Abbott, if you’re the coach, you must know all the players. Abbott: I certainly do. Costello: Well you know I’ve never met [...]

From the Editor 9/29: Defining Humor

The Oxford English Dictionary tells us that humor is “That quality of action, speech, or writing, which excites amusement; oddity, jocularity, facetiousness, comicality, fun.” Alternatively, the Oxford English Dictionary says that humor could be used to mean “The faculty of perceiving what is ludicrous or amusing, or of expressing it in speech, writing, or other [...]

From the Editor- Thoughts on Liberty

When, in the course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the laws of nature and of nature’s God entitle them, a decent respect to the [...]

From The Editor

Hey guys, I didn’t really have time to write a “From the Editor” for this issue, so you should really just move on to some other section. Seriously, there’s nothing here. I was super busy this past week and I didn’t have time to write anything to put here. Stop reading now. I promise you, [...]

All (adjective) Things Must Come to an End

Happy Friday, everyone! In honor of this special Friday issue of The Slant, I hope that all of you enjoy your Friday by doing what you do best on the weekend: don’t do any studying, go out to party really late, drink heavily, don’t remember when you ended up going to sleep, and waking up [...]

The Slant Blog

Llamapalooza

To the cheers of the student body, The Slant’s second annual Llamapalooza commences on Monday. For only $5, students are able to buy personal ads in the February 9 issue of the beloved humor and satire newspaper. Slant members will be on the wall and at The Commons from 12-1 PM Monday-Friday collecting ads and [...]

How to blog from iPad

Dear world I sit here today typing poorly and Unable to find my tv remote. The food network is on st 3 am and it is now infomercials please please someone stop this awful awful torture. There are no keys in this thing how am i typing st sly thus is ridiculed . Oh i [...]

The Slant goes to Russia!

Slant editor emeritus Meryem Dede has recently begun her new, more adventurous job as The Slant’s Foreign Correspondent in the city of St. Petersburg, Russia. Be sure to read her latest exploits from her webzone: http://meryemabroad.wordpress.com/

Armando Galarraga’s Near-Perfect Game Destroys America

Few times every generation there comes a defining moment where the world begins to tear apart at its hinges. Fort Sumter. Franz Ferdinand. Pearl Harbor. Julius Caesar. Yavin IV. Mark down June 2, 2010 as two words: he’s safe. Detroit Tigers pitcher Armando Galarraga had a perfect game with one out left when umpire Jim [...]

Slant Movie Reviews: The Machine Girl

Every year there are a few glimpses of genius. 2008′s would be the excessively violent and over-exaggerated Japanese flick The Machine Girl. From one look at the poster, you know this is clearly a big ripoff of Planet Terror, and I’m not saying that it isn’t, but it’s more. It doesn’t have zombies, but it [...]

The one on the left is strangely addicting. The one on the right is strangely iconic.

Fucked Images updated… again!

It was bound to happen – theslant.net has published its collection of doctored images from 2009-2010. Bask in all the deliciousness of irony! Let your emotions be tickled by absurdity! Let your diaphragm collapse from laughter! Let your hands slowly go down in between your legs! Let your mind be freed by Harriet Tubman and [...]

The one on the left is strangely arousing. The one on the right is strangely tempting.

Fucked Images page updated!

Some said it couldn’t be done, but most said it would just be a hassle. After slight deliberation, the first half of the Fucked Images page has been established! The internet is vast and infinite. That’s good news of you looking for some cheap laughs! Through the powers of complex search algorithms, The Slant assembles [...]

Comics Page Added!

Check out all of the comics from 2009-2010!

A preview: More to come… in a more professional form.

Greetings, boys and girls. Today marks the beginning of something that probably is about to start. As you dedicated visitors can see (I know you look at this website daily), we here at The Slant have been tinkering with our website a little. I myself think I have finally gotten the hang of it. This [...]

If we got a dime every time we used this image because we were too lazy to find/take a different one... well, let's just say "calamari" and "yachts."

First!

Welcome to The Slant Blog! On this cutting-edge Humor 2.0 platform, we plan to bring you the latest technology in penis jokes, “that’s what she said” quips and, I don’t know, maybe some pointed social commentary. More importantly, this gives us an awesome venue for posting hilarious stuff OTHER people do. Often times, in our [...]

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