In the spirit of Halloween and a budget surplus, VSG proudly announced yesterday that Vandy Van hours will be extended to include the ‘Walk of Shame’ period (7-9 AM) this upcoming weekend.

This special route will include stops at each of the Commons houses (as opposed to the normal stops of merely Ingram and North), as well as the back doors of Branscomb; alongside newly tinted windows on the vans to ensure complete privacy and complimentary makeup and mirror use for students to un-dishevel themselves on the ride home.

“With the absurd amount of money raised at Homecoming and our concern for the welfare of Vanderbilt students, this just seemed like the right thing to do,” a VSG officer said. “We’re very excited to further provide services to our student body and further coddle the freshmen.”

Attempting to legitimize this proposition to the administration, said officer laid out VSG’s main talking points: “This is an issue of health as well as dignity. It’s late fall and the weather’s cold – twenty minute walks barely dressed are an incubation ground for illness. Furthermore, these ‘Walks of Shame’ irreparably damage a lot of people’s reputations, and paired alongside the Halloween costumes of today.. the results would be disastrous.”

General student response to this proposition was overwhelmingly positive, freshmen girls of questionable morals are especially excited. “Now I can wear my six inch stilettos and corset and go totally all-out for my costume and not have to worry about getting home from wherever (hopefully Towers!) the next morning. Thanks a lot VSG!” one such girl said.

Some members of the administration at first weren’t as pleased. “Sparing these students the embarrassment of facing the repercussions of their actions does them no favor,” one senior administrator lamented. After taking into consideration how poorly large numbers of half dressed, sloppy girls traipsing across campus Sunday morning would reflect upon the school to alum and prospies, though, the following statement was issued: “If we were to give them a test in trigonometry and a test in dignity, I suppose we’d rather them fail the test in trigonometry.”