This December, one man’s underwear captured the attention of the entire nation. And it wasn’t George Clooney’s.
On Christmas Day, Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab of Yemen tried to detonate an explosive device that was sewn into his underwear on a flight from Amsterdam to Detroit. “Tried” is the key word in that statement; the device failed to detonate properly and the man only succeeded in setting his pants on fire. The fire was quickly extinguished and no damage to the plane occurred.
The bomber was quickly restrained and questioned of his motives. He claimed that he had only wished to start the fire to roast marshmallows to sate his ravenous hunger during the long flight. To this, one bystander yelled, “Liar, liar, pants on fire!” Another passenger commented that it was the first time he had heard the word “fire-crotch” used not referencing a red-head.
American officials have drastically increased airport security as a result of the attempted attack. The first major change in the security process is the addition of full body scanners to security checkpoints. These scanners scan through a person’s clothes to show any unusual shapes which could be weapons of some kind. However, some have argued that the these body scanners infringe on the privacy of individuals by displaying the contour of the person’s actual body.
“It has made some people uncomfortable,” states a representative for the Los Angeles Airport, “but that’s the cost of security, I guess. The image of your naked body is helping keep America safe one scan at a time. Shouldn’t it comfort you that a random guy gets to see what you look like without clothes on?”
Nevertheless, many government officials still feel like this step up in security will still not be enough. On January 20, the Department of Homeland Security announced plans for a new law outlawing the use of underwear on domestic and international flights, stating that America “cannot let another individual threaten America’s security by having to choose between boxers or briefs or bombs.”
The new law has been embraced by many different social groups, including hippies, homeless/poor people, bros, guidos, and trashy celebrities nationwide. Famous publicity-stuntist Lindsay Lohan was quoted as saying, “Finally! It is now socially acceptable to go commando in public. I will no longer be the only one!”
