Obscure Majors, Obscure Reasons

Everyone knows the “big majors” at Vanderbilt. We all recognize a HOD student when we see him or her downing a beer and we even all know what a pre-med major looks like when we catch a rare glimpse of one running from Rand to Stevenson. However, there are also some lesser known majors. For instance how many Ecology, Evolution, and Organismal Biology students do you know? Hell my spell check doesn’t even recognize organismal as a real word. So what motivates these students to pursue these majors? Well here’s a hint:  it’s certainly not for prestige, and it’s not for the obvious career options either.

Spanish, Portuguese, and European Studies: This major prides itself on being the hardest major to say five times fast…. in three different languages. Seriously though, a lot of indecision leads to choosing this major. First you can’t decide if you want to do history or political science so you do a combination with European studies. Then you decide you want to do extra language studies. Finally you can’t decide which damn language to learn so you end up with two languages. That’s three levels of confusion, for a major with the obvious career option of backpacking across Europe.

Ecology, Evolution, and Organismal Biology: The obscurity of this major is so intense that it makes up a new word. I’ll be honest, I’m not entirely sure this is a real major. It sounds like some sort of horrible cross breed between Al Gore and Charles Darwin. This major is for all the science students that found out all too late that they aren’t actually science students. That and they’re probably still in denial that they aren’t science students. But it’s not all bad for our EEOB friend. The word biology is in their major title so they may be able to fool some employers into a job offer…. well maybe…..

Ancient Mediterranean Studies: This major is just one giant middle finger to your parents, or whoever is paying for your Vandy sized tuition. Classics majors are renowned for performing well after college but that’s mostly due to their language skills, which this major is severely lacking. Studying ancient warfare isn’t the road to success; in fact it looks a lot more like the road to poverty and soul crushing failure. Enjoy!

Create-A-Major: This major is the king of kings in obscurity. Honestly, anyone doing this either actually knows exactly what they want to do for the rest of their life, or more likely they like being “different”.  Unfortunately I can’t comment as to this major’s success, it really comes down to how good you are at naming your major. “Business and Finance” is likely to pay off big by being different at Vanderbilt but not different overall. Meanwhile, “The Psychological and Philosophical Basis of Polytheistic Religions in Modern Film” says that you don’t think being homeless is such a big deal.

It’s a Major Eat Major World Out There

By: Andrew Ligon

In this economy it’s becoming increasingly obvious that all majors are not created equal. Some are simply better (and harder). Now I know what you’re thinking, “How can I possibly know which one to pick?” Well, fear not my freshman friend or indecisive sophomore friend, or incredibly screwed junior friend, or not-gonna-graduate “senior” friend, The Slant has gone through painstaking resource to bring you the hardest and best majors that Vanderbilt has to offer. Enjoy!
1. Engineering- Ahh, the crème de la crème of Vanderbilt. This whole economy thing doesn’t scare you at all. You’re beating employers away with a stick, which is unusual for you because you never got that experience with the ladies. But don’t fret, once this whole college thing blows over you are the most eligible bachelor out there. Cheers!

2. Engineering Science- Don’t worry, even your employer doesn’t know this isn’t real engineering.

3. Pre-Med- Or as I like to call them: Freshmen. Enjoy your mind numbing biology and chemistry classes, it’s not like you’ll be taking them next semester. But don’t worry there are lots of majors that are just begging for you to join their masses such as….

4. Economics- Ok so now you’re a sophomore and it turns out being a doctor is a lot of hard work and you have too much pride to jump on the HOD boat (don’t worry, pride is a common flaw at your age). Well it turns out that you can still become insanely rich. It’s called economics, and you don’t even have to touch dead people (usually). So, go ahead and trade in that Organic Chemistry book for Macroeconomics, and good luck pulling up your first semester GPA, because that thing isn’t ever leaving you.

5. Political Science- Welcome to the next level of failure. I know I know, you want to make money, but math is fucking intimidating, and you can only write decently. What are you ever to do? Enter political science. Sure, it’s fun now, but you also have to go to law school if you ever want your parents to love you again, and let’s be frank, you still want to make money too.

6. Other Social Sciences- This is an odd group, you seem to actually enjoy what you’re doing. Do you have any idea what the starting salary is for a psychologist or sociologist? It’s called poverty, and it’s not funny. The good news is it still sounds employable so your parents aren’t in tears. Well they aren’t in tears yet, until you do that whole job hunt thing and tell them you need another five to six years of fifty-grand a year schooling.

7. Humanities- See above, except your parents began crying the day you told them.

8. Musicians/ Studio Arts- Ok, it’s too easy to make starvation jokes. And even though you make the joke too, you die a little on the inside every time. It’s ok that feeling is normal: it’s called hunger.

9. Education Majors- Lucky for you, your parents obviously support your decision to be poor forever, unless you’re counting on that inheritance money when your parents/grandparents take a really long nap. You know what you want to do, and that’s not being able to afford a satellite dish…… ever.

10. Human and Organizational Development- What joke hasn’t been done here? Coloring inside the lines, using crayons, no Friday classes, a “real” major and plain out stupidity has all been used by all your supposed friends. But here’s the real joke: you’re number 10 on this list and you’re going to be making as much as number 1. Party hard, you can afford to do it and still make bank. Enjoy rubbing all of your delicious, yes it’s fucking delicious, money in all your friends’ faces.