There are many things in this universe that I don’t understand, and as a result, these things annoy me quite a lot. Whether it is sports, music, food, cultural geography, spark plug design or Australian Rules Football, I just don’t get some of it.
I don’t understand why people who live in a college town are diehard fans of the school they didn’t attend. People who live in Nashville who are UT fans confuse the bejebus out of me. Is it the age-old debate of Proletariat vs. Plebian? Most likely so except not stated as snobbily as I just did. Are all Catholics required to be Notre Dame fans even if they live miles away? What makes even less sense to me are fans of pro teams from states in which they do not live. In high school, I knew a guy who loved the Broncos. The only problems are we lived in Nashville, not Denver, and his family had never lived in Colorado. His reasoning was based on the fact that they should have been good with Jay Cutler. At least he has the dignity to stay loyal to the franchise – something that can’t be said about most Patriots or Red Sox fans.
I don’t understand when people use the first person when talking about their favorite sports team. Are you on the team?? The only appropriate situation for doing so is if it’s the school you’re attending.
I don’t understand lab reports as a teaching mechanism. I don’t think I’ve learned anything useful other than that there are many ways to fudge data, there are many heavy-duty machines on campus that have a very specific use, and that most of them don’t work. Well, fudging data has made a lot of people successful in life…
I don’t understand free-form jazz. It’s cool and all, but I’m not going to remember it later despite my best intentions.
I don’t understand people who eat cheese pizza or don’t like spicy food. Sack up; stop being a little bitch.
I don’t understand anything about California. Shit’s messed up.
I don’t understand the appeal of diet soda. It does NOT taste good, and it’s made of Aspartame. That’s way too much chemistry going on, and as a Civil Engineering student, I’m against that. Always buy Mexican sodas from the K&S World Market, because they’re made with delicious sugar. SUGAR!
I don’t understand how I was able to fill this box with so much fluff and still impress my good friend Lady GaGa.

Woah, hold on a second, who does this crazy guy think he is to come over on this page and put his face over there? Well, public, I suppose this is my introduction to you, the most loyal fans and readers on Vanderbilt’s campus. I’m Clay, and I am The Slant’s new editor-in-chief for the next year! Unfortunately, that means you, the reader, will have to put up with me for an entire year. That’s gotta suck.
No, I am not some scab editor filling in during a labor crisis. I don’t work for some editorial outsourcing company, but I hear they pay pretty well. I’m just your run of the mill engineering student trying to figure out what exactly it is I’m going to engineer. I’m known to have an affinity for annoying Japanese alternative music, and I always bring the heat when I roll out on my 2006 Scion xA. If you see a tiny plastic, peanut-shaped car blaring Lady GaGa around campus, please wave! I’ll do my best not to swerve into you!
Next semester, my friend and former boss Meryem Dede will be in the great motherland. That’s right, we’re shipping her off to Russia. It’ll be the first time a woman has ever flown IN to Russia! A lot of news happens in Russia, and we at The Slant absolutely need to have a beat writer covering all of the ins and outs of Europe’s most dastardly nation. Her new role as foreign correspondent will allow for us back home in Nashville to better understand some of the great mysteries of the globe.
Erstwhile, the school days for this spring are coming to a close. Rites of Spring is looming over the ridiculous amount of work you haven’t started! Last year, we were treated to a psychedelic spectacle when The Flaming Lips, one of my personal favorites, led us into a parallel dimension of sight, sound and drunk. Regardless of your opinion on the artists, I’m sure you will be having one hell of a weekend. Even if the weekend isn’t a memorable one, literally that is, make sure that you stay safe. You won’t be enjoying your summer if you’re a new parent or find yourself in jail.