Do you love writing? Well, I sure don’t. But that didn’t stop me from joining The Slant! What’s your excuse?
The Slant isn’t just any old newspaper – it’s a forum for recreational banter. If you don’t understand what that is, then you’re probably not reading this paper properly in the first place. However, if you like humor and you like fun, then you are rightly reading this wonderful publication, so why not join? What’s more fun than creating a story incorporating the things you love – like animals, or sex, or maybe even sex with animals – with that biggest pet-peeve of yours – like your roommate, your nagging girlfriend, or your roommate’s nagging girlfriend? Your rantings manifest themselves in some form or fashion whether you admit it or not. You know you have to release it somehow (which just so happens to be what she said). Why not make it public? Let’s make it official – Facebook-official even.
Ok, so you still may not want to write for The Slant. WHY NOT? I dunno if you know this or not, but The Slant comes out once every three weeks. Yes, once every three weeks. That’s hardly once a month – 5 or 6 times a semester if you’re lucky. Do you know how often normal newspapers are issued? Too many times, that’s how many. Clearly, The Slant isn’t your normal newspaper. We value your ability to B.S., unlike your co-workers, teachers, and friends who don’t. We’ll be more than friends with you, if you know what I mean (if you’re into that kind of thing). I know I always love breaking out of the “friend zone,” and we will be delighted to break your end zone…er, friend zone.
So, if you’re having trouble expressing yourself, having trouble meeting people, or having trouble getting laid, you may want to check out The Slant. Our door is always open, and by always, I mean at 8:00 PM on Mondays in Sarratt 130. Hopefully, we will see you there! We’ll leave the light on for ya.
Andrew Mungan says, “Join The Slant!”
Ben Coleman says, “Join The Slant!”
Fellow Vanderbilt students, I pose the following simple questions to you: “Are you satisfied with life at Vandy? Are you satisfied by delicious Rand brunch, by sorority girls in cowboy boots and aviators?” Well, you should be, because both of these things are very fun to look at, albeit for very different reasons.
But do you ever feel sarcasm welling up inside you with no way to come out? Does the vicious, biting humor have no escape but to rampage unchecked through your Facebook meaningless status updates? If so, you might want to consider joining The Slant.
‘Why would I ever want to join a bunch of sun-deprived psychopaths with severe superiority complexes,’ you ask? Firstly, I get plenty of sunlight walking from Stevenson to Olin, thank you very much. Secondly, Slant meetings are really pretty fun. We sit, make with the funny, and then decide who wants to write down said funny. And, by the time three weeks have past, lo and behold, your name is on the best piece of journalism to have ever graced Vanderbilt University.
Even if you don’t think you’re particularly funny, there’s a place for you at The Slant! We’re all insanely hilarious people, so by the laws of diffusion, the funny will flow into you if you come to enough meetings. If you don’t like writing (I’m looking at you, computer science majors), we’re always looking for skilled artists to cleverly Photoshop slightly offense pictures into massively offensive pieces of beauty. Blair majors, we don’t really have a use for you, but you should probably get used to hearing that now anyways.
So stop by Sarratt 130 on Mondays at 8 PM if you want in on the awesome, and be sure to pick us up some fro-yo on the way over. That Fucking Coffee Shop is right down the hall.
Caitlin Meyer says: Join The Slant!
Instead of telling you how working for The Slant will diversify your resume, relieve massive amounts of stress and give you a platform to ruthlessly ridicule whatever you want, I’m going to take this opportunity, 6x6in box of space and approximately a minute of your time to talk about myself.
This past August, I was a freshman.. sorry, ‘first-year student’. Granted, I’m still a freshman – but not in the deer-in-the-headlights, lanyard-wearing, travel-in-packs sense of the word. I had planned on joining The Slant since my visit to Vandy in April; the newest issue was on the racks then and I just couldn’t believe how outrageous it was. A school publication fearlessly touting obscenities, ‘penis’ and consistent criticism of the administration, and the Vandy world in general – it even came with a disclaimer! – seemed phenomenal and way preferable to the stereotypical, boring, ‘real news’ publications.
I followed through and joined The Slant. I was promptly ripped to shreds, viciously criticized, made fun of and proceeded to cry. The sarcastic, witty, pretentious bastards that compose the staff of the paper took one look at me and told me never to come back. Meryem is a heartless bitch. Not really. At all. It’s great.
Writing for The Slant and working alongside such awesome people that I wouldn’t have met otherwise has been one of my favorite parts of the Vandy experience. And the good news is, we’re always looking for new people. Come on in Mondays at 8 in Sarratt 130 and join the party, you won’t regret it.
Clay Christain says: Join The Slant!
Have you ever dreamed of one day growing up to be part of SEAL Team Six? Well, if you’re reading this perspicacious publication, the odds are that your dreams were shattered long ago. Has the demanding load of homework sent you reeling into the fetal position? We’re here to help. The Slant is love – of what, I’m not entirely sure.
On Monday nights, some people watch football, others, House. We at The Slant lock ourselves in a room with colorful brick walls, but don’t get me wrong! It’s a fabulous shade of blue.
Are you a pre-med major looking to vent your deepest, darkest, most avaricious frustrations? We’ll welcome you with open arms! How about an insomniac engineer looking to take pot shots in your T-16 at easy HOD targets? You’re already a conniving, sarcastic bastard, so you’ll fit right in! What about an HOD major? Well, ok, I lied, your kind isn’t ever welcome here, but have fun with that one. I know you will. I hate you.
Mental slip aside, new writers means new friends, and new friends means new benefits. Can’t write? Fear not! Our comedic task force is well trained in the jocular arts. We will nurture you from a lowly tadpole of a scribbler to a postmodern Hemingway complete with a stout cigar and a tropical seaside villa. Still don’t want to write? Really? What’s wrong with you? Fear not! We always welcome new production staffers to tickle the keys and work wonders with technology.
So, when you’ve finished polishing off that last ephemeral morsel of King Ranch Chicken at Chef James, waddle your portly self down to Sarratt 130 at 8 P.M. on Monday!! Good night, and good luck.
Kyle Hope says: Join the Slant!
For the past few years, I’ve been the distribution manager for the Slant. Remember that guy screaming across campus in the morning with the golf cart? Yeah, that was me. Quick aside: sorry if I almost hit you – going 0 to 10 miles per hour in 4 seconds is quite a rush. Anyway, due to the economic downturn and the whole reorganization deal, I wound up out of a job since the Slant now comes delivered with Versus. So I decided to become a full-time Slant writer, and I have to tell you: this job is even better than racing from the Commons to Sarratt twice a month. The staff here is really friendly and will help you to write great content that can be in our next issue – even if you don’t think you are that funny! Our writing staff is always there to help you get started and can teach the best ways to poke fun at any group on campus. And if writing isn’t really what you are into, there are plenty of other awesome jobs available. We’re always looking for creative and fun-loving people to help us do everything from Photoshopping a hilarious image for the cover to helping us come up with ideas for the next big Slant prank. Even if you just have some ideas for funny articles you’d like written, we’d love to have you at our meetings, which are always a good time. So stop by the Student Media office in Sarratt 130 at 8PM on Mondays and help us keep being the funniest group on campus.
