Last spring when the Delta Force, Vanderbilt’s newest superhero group, stepped up to fearlessly answer the Lambda Cry for help concerning the IFC Recruitment process, skeptics and critics abounded. The integrity of the process was undoubtedly in jeopardy- for the formerly clandestine recruitment process of weeknight pong bonding, was to now require a formal rush week.
Delta Force chair KAptain America insisted that the hiked grade and service requirements would bring in a better class of future heroes.
Part of the recruitment process involved a recommended dress code of each participant’s best incognito clothing. Some students who elected to wear clothes outside of the socially accepted brands and styles were upset when they were ostracized for such apparel. “I guess I’m just not cookie-cutter enough for these guys,” one such student lamented. “You’d think this was sorority recruitment, worrying so much about appearances.”
“Being inconspicuous one of the most important parts of having an alter-ego,” Delta Force member BetaMan rebutted. “We wanted to ensure that nobody stuck out too much. The more homogenous the population, the harder it is to spot the heroes. That’s the ideal situation.” Unfortunately, this plan backfired- as just about everybody whore khakis, a button up, a tie and a navy sport coat simultaneously, looking more ridiculous than a day-after-Halloween walk of shame.
Recruitment, itself, took place in an incredibly relaxed ATOmosphere, playing games requiring a mere child’s capacity including kickball and four square. The kids who dominated those games in elementary school recess who thought their glory days were over were pleasantly surprised by this turn in events.
“I was the most popular boy in my fifth grade class. Mainly because I was the six month reigning four square champion and because I had the coolest Nikes,” a rush from second floor Gillette said. “I got to middle and high school, though, and it was a rapid decline – thank you Delta Force for bringing me back to the top.”
Bid Day was truly a AEPicturesque one, for not only did the to-be heroes receive their bids (signified by cases of beer, brands differing by house), they became privy to what superpower they would spend the next semester developing during the pledge process. Among these were the Phi Kap Unbreakable Kneecaps, impervious to the possible peril of dizzy bat gone wrong; Sigma Alpha Elbow, for pong perfection; and amongst the most coveted – Sigma Neutralizer, a body incapable of vomiting regardless of consumption.
Fifths were downed, sleep was eliminated from schedules and the gloriousness of pledging began. The Delta Force undoubtedly considered the week a success and plans to fade from the public eye until the next Sigma Crisis occurs.