(615): When it comes to girls, you gotta go slow.
(615): She wasn’t a girl; she was a stripper!

(690): Why are there so many normal looking people in this room? Is this an engineering class?
(420): Yeah – civil.

(615): If I were given a 100 percent chance of getting a blowjob, then I would walk all the way to UT Knoxville.

(615): I have a job for you: if over the next week it looks like I’m spending a relatively large amount of time interacting with any single girl, you are to promptly kick me in the balls.

(480): You need to learn how to punch a woman.

(865): It’ll be a three course meal: calamari, natty light and his dick.

(615): I woke up this morning, scratched my balls, and they smelled like beer.

(615): You sell cocaine in kilos, not pounds.
(865): I’m new at this.

(785): I feel like Dumbledore after he drank all that shit to get the locket.

(615): My tummy hurts
(949): Why are you telling me this?
(615): You’re the mother figure here; You have a hoohoo.

(615): There’s too many dudes in this room. It brings out the gayness in me.

Rule two: When you find a girl that you want, the first thing you should do is insult her, especially if she is with her friends. Say something like, “nice earrings, I think I saw those on sale at Wal-Mart.” This makes you instantly attractive because girls get complimented all the time and they get sick of it, what they really want is someone different to come along and put them down. Girls are attracted to males who assert their authority and put down those around them.

Rule three: girls want to be physically removed from their group of friends, or current boyfriend. If he wants to make a big scene, just kick his ass—for help with this join the jujitsu club—but most guys are too chicken to want to get into a fight anyway. But after you kick his ass or tell him to get lost, take the girl by the hand and lead her away from everyone else. She will be attracted by your ballsyness and physical power, and will be willing to go any where with you to get to know you better.

Rule four: You are the alpha male, the top dog, and girls should do nice things for you. During my time as a loser, I would always offer to get a drink for a girl at a party, and hold open doors, and pull out her chair. But I was going about it all wrong. Alpha males give the orders, and people do what they say. Tell your girl to do things for you, and don’t ask her nicely like a little bitch. It might be hard at first, but you have to understand that girls want to be ordered around. Tell your girl to get you a beer, or make you dinner, or do your laundry. She will go out of her way to do pretty much anything you want, just as long as you make her do nice things for you, not the other way around.

Rule five: Get to know your new object physically. Check every part of her body to make sure there are no impurities, like fake breasts, or an unshaved…armpits. If you are going to invest this much time in a girl, you had better make sure that the product is worth it.

Rule six: Make sure you never giver her too much attention. If you do she will start to feel like she is on an equal plane with you, and will lose interest. Keep her begging for your attention by ignoring her when she is talking and cutting her off in mid-sentence to say hi to someone else. The more you ignore her, the more she will crave your attention and want to be with you.
These are just the absolute basics. You can start with these, but you have to work to develop a system that is good for you. Just remember the basic principles that are embodied in these rules. If you follow these rules and keep the basic principles in mind, you will have no problem getting any girl you want.

But be careful, girls are jealous creatures and once they start to see how you treat other girls, they will want to be treated that way to. If you cannot handle attention from at least a dozen girls at once, then this system might not be for you. Unfortunately this is one of the drawbacks of the system. I have been working on it extensively, but if you use the system right there is no way to prevent girls from constantly calling and texting, and wanting to dance with you at parties, and wanting to take you back to their rooms. But if you want to transform yourself from a dull and boring failure, to an Alpha male at the top of the food chain, take my advice and follow this system.

(690): Jack Frost wrote really cool poems! I’m an English major!

(813): Blast her with semen Jk. No, really, hogtie her.

(615): I just need someone to sleep with tonight. will you sleep with me?
(865): Nah, man, i gotta play warcraft.

(865): Is this a potato or an apple? It tastes like urine!

(813): Even jesus was like “water? fuck this: alcohol!”

(856): I was sober on a Friday night once… It was weird.

(690): Did you know that our campus existed before noon on a Saturday? I didn’t.