Dormoscopes

Brendan Alviani — Sun, 18 Apr 2010 23:14:01 +0000

Towers: Lucky you! The person above you who blasts their music until 4 a.m. won’t the one night you actually need a decent night’s sleep. During finals week, however…
Chaffin: You’ll find five bucks. Score!
Mayfields: After you move back home, you’ll have trouble falling asleep WITHOUT the sounds of construction blasts.
Vandy-Barnard: Luckily, you won’t have to leave your room, even for Rites. Who needs social interaction when you have this mediocrely outfitted dorm room and a 360?
Commons: Dining won’t have your favorite spinach, portabella and tomato pizza today. Boo hoo.
Morgan-Lewis: You’re going to trip on a gold Solo cup left carelessly on the third-from-the-bottom step on the way to your 9:10 Econ class, slightly spraining your ankle. It’s not enough to get medical attention for, but enough to annoy you until you forget about it at 4:17 this afternoon, when you bump into Jill at a table in Rand, right by the Brunch entrance and the windows, where she tells you about how her dog Artemis back home can bark the Jaws theme song. You go back to your room at 6:54 and cry about the existential superficiality of the universe, then watch re-runs of Scrubs.
Kissam: Today is the final day you’ll try to defend Kissam with some variant of “It’s really not as bad as everyone says it is.” After realizing such a profound Truth, you’ll also realize how to eliminate human suffering across the globe within 2 years. Unfortunately, the persistent inhalation of mold will erase one of those two insights.
Branscomb: You’re going to have a great day… ruined by the paper you forgot about until 10:30.
Off-Campus: Although you’ve saved a ton of money on rent, spending those savings this year on beer has earned you the “Biggest Alcoholic in Nashville” Award, as well as the award for “We’re Impressed You’ve Actually Survived (Senior Year).”
Room 207: You know who you are. Cut it out.
McGill: I’m sure your 3 a.m. games of Magic and D&D are fun, but remember: you can’t “counter” finals.
McTyiere: Hola, 花花公子. Sprechen Sie Deutsches? Я не знаю чего я говорю. Gradico l’alimento comunque.

The Slant» dormoscopes

Dormoscopes