After a homecoming weekend which could be classified as nothing less than a ‘FAIL!’ our own administration has simply decided to pretend that the week of October 12th never actually happened.  Instead they have declared that November 13th-15th will be “Homecoming: Take 2″

The lineup for this new homecoming should be full of excitement.  The weekend will feature a concert people actually want to attend, and a football game our team has a chance of winning.

The decision to redo homecoming was first imagined during a disturbingly empty Quake concert, when even world’s #1 Pitbull fan Nick Zeppos found himself unmoved by the rapper’s performance.  “Wheres the fun in throwing your panties up on stage if you turn around and see an empty gym behind you?” said Zeppos.

The homecoming football game was scheduled for 11:00 in the morning, in an attempt to literally catch the Georgia Bulldawgs sleeping.  The gamble failed, however, and only served to annoy those students who wanted to attend the game.  Even the most veteran tailgaters found it difficult to justify getting plastered at 10 in the morning.

“I mean sure, I want to enjoy the homecoming game, but I just feel so trashy cracking my first beer while watching Saturday morning cartoons.  Too bad you’re not allowed to attend football games sober.” lamented one fratstar.

And then there was the football game itself, which I’m told was a complete disaster on both sides of the ball.  Many students made the decision not to attend the game, citing cold weather and a lack of hope for a victory.

Even the announcement of the 2009 “Outstanding Senior Award” was botched, when it wasn’t given to that kid who cured cancer.  (Ralph Passarella) Seriously, what do you have to do to win that thing?  Oh right, lose a VSG election.  That totally beats the cancer thing.

To make up for this disastrous week, the Homecoming Committee has decided to take another shot at the event, starting again on November 13th, the night of the Jay-Z concert.  Their job should be a bit easier this time around, as students have been looking forward to this concert since it’s announcement in September.  Said one very excited Jay-Z fan “Yeah, its been difficult to focus since I got my ticket.  Things like schoolwork, clubs, keeping myself fed and bathed, they all sort of take a back seat when HOVA’s coming to town,”

In addition, the football game that weekend will be played against the Kentucky Wildcats, a school which more closely mirrors our own general apathy towards the football program, and should be a much better matchup.  Perhaps equally exciting, the game will not be played before noon, and in the words of one local weatherman, “It won’t be fucking freezing.”

All of this is expected to lead to increased student turnout at the game.  According to some reports, certain undergrads are even contemplating arriving in the student section before the game starts.  While the Homecoming Committee has no illusions of grandeur, this development would be pretty cool.

The newly scheduled “Beat the Wildcats” Homecoming pep rally is expected to be much more believable than October 16th’s “Beat the Bulldogs” rally.  Coach Bobby Johnson stated, “Yeah I mean sure, its good to have goals, but lets keep them reasonable, folks.  At least we belong on the same field with Kentucky.  I’m still not making any promises, but I appreciate the lowering of our standards.”

Organizers have also made the decision to rebrand the Homecoming Blood Drive.  “This time around, we’re going to make sure that students understand that they will get much more drunk in the week after they give blood.  Seriously, you’ll be able to get trashed off one beer.  If you’re at a bar, giving blood will save you a good $20 in drinks.” said Jane Mathis, Homecoming’s Blood Drive Czar.

So make sure you come on out and show your support for “Homecoming: Take Two,” because everyone deserves a second chance, even homecoming organizers.