Men and women of Vanderbilt, it is with great pride that I am able to report to you the most progressive development in Vanderbilt Student Communications since Al Gore’s invention of the internet: The Hustler no longer only prints filler ads.
As peevishly related to us by The Hustler’s own News Editor Kyle Blaine, after running in our last issue Dan King’s earth-shattering editorial “Hustler to Allocate Fifty Percent of Newspaper to Stories: Advertisers Placed on High Alert,” VSC has since required The Hustler to actually include legitimate content in its paper for the first time since 1888. True story!
After witnessing VSC’s abuse of its innocent and hipster cousin WRVU, The Hustler, in all of its faked fairness and wholesomeness, saw anger in poppa’s eye and pain in poppa’s backhand, and its editors were finally motivated enough to do some real reading and some actual investigative work. Weeks of mental labor later, The Hustler finally came to the conclusion that, “The key to success is often the ability to adapt,” even if they failed, once again, to cite properly their source in their “commandeering” of that quote.
When asked to give an opinion on the matter, The Hustler Assistant Opinion Editor Jesse Jones boldly stated, “There is nothing wrong with change, if it is in the right direction,” which is strange because Winston Churchill, a good old chap of mine, said exactly that over half a century ago…
But “imitation is the sincerest form of flattery,” isn’t it, Mr. Charles Caleb Colton? I ask because usually it’s the people who actually say quote-worthy things know what they really mean when they say them.
As the older, more mature sibling, The Slant is willing to look beyond such petty bickering and to realize the power and responsibility that it holds as the only honest publication on Vanderbilt’s campus.
When The Slant Editor-in-Chief Clay Christain was asked to comment on The Slant’s Nobel-Peace-Prize-in-Journalism-worthy actions and reporting, he simply stated, “Doing good feels…weird. We need to punish someone else now. Too much good ju-ju going around.”
Christain’s next lofty goal is to get someone else other than graduating seniors to actually look at the yearbook.
The Slant: Being the Change You Want to See in the World
Kyle Hope says: Join the Slant!
For the past few years, I’ve been the distribution manager for the Slant. Remember that guy screaming across campus in the morning with the golf cart? Yeah, that was me. Quick aside: sorry if I almost hit you – going 0 to 10 miles per hour in 4 seconds is quite a rush. Anyway, due to the economic downturn and the whole reorganization deal, I wound up out of a job since the Slant now comes delivered with Versus. So I decided to become a full-time Slant writer, and I have to tell you: this job is even better than racing from the Commons to Sarratt twice a month. The staff here is really friendly and will help you to write great content that can be in our next issue – even if you don’t think you are that funny! Our writing staff is always there to help you get started and can teach the best ways to poke fun at any group on campus. And if writing isn’t really what you are into, there are plenty of other awesome jobs available. We’re always looking for creative and fun-loving people to help us do everything from Photoshopping a hilarious image for the cover to helping us come up with ideas for the next big Slant prank. Even if you just have some ideas for funny articles you’d like written, we’d love to have you at our meetings, which are always a good time. So stop by the Student Media office in Sarratt 130 at 8PM on Mondays and help us keep being the funniest group on campus.
