Page five of last week’s Hustler (turn to it now) contained an advertisement sent by Jordan and Jamie, a loving couple seeking a Korean egg donor in order to procure a great looking mixed-race baby. As a “healthy, non-smoking woman between the ages of 21 & 29,” I immediately recognized that this was my calling. Actually, no. It was mostly the part about “attractive…” and “compensation” that pulled me in: these two words placed closely together promised an interesting time, among other things.
Like any other interview, I had to prepare. So I watched Juno again, with special attention to the part when Juno responds to a similar ad and meets with the loving couple, Mark and Vanessa. Only, she actually went to their house, which, ew, I would never do. But then again, she went with her dad, a bit safer, but that clearly was not an option for me. My dad would be so pissed that I was selling off his first grandchild.
Juno also did not ask for compensation, saying she didn’t want to “sell the thing,” that she only had hopes regarding the baby’s future. Madness. She should have auctioned herself, her spawn, but it would mostly have been herself since baby’s in the oven and mama shows the goods. According to a 2007 New York Times article, what used to be a national average of $4,217 for egg donors is now being obscured by payments in the tens of thousands. Since women aren’t exactly lining up to be donors, we sometimes hear of payments amounting to $50K, even $60K, as these reproductive centers can be those of well-to-do universities, and it is apparently common for couples to advertise there.
But Juno, being a dirty high school wash-up and having chosen the father herself, would not have scored that high. I, on the other hand, was starting to get quite ambitious. Numbers like that make one pause for a moment, despite the state of unknown health risks involved with extraction procedures, and also five reports of extraction-related deaths from Britain.
That being said, I met Jordan and Jamie at a public, neutral location. Their questions were geared toward discovering my sense of humor, general relationship with my own parents, my disposition, driving record, beliefs, and interests. As far as beliefs and humor go, I tried to combine them so beliefs would seem less serious and they wouldn’t be as divisive and I might look more cool and yeah. Just to my luck, they asked about how I felt about mixed-race people, as this child would be.
I said, “Oh yeah, the cutest babies I ever seen were usually half-Asian, half-something-else babies. I was talking about it with my sister the other day, and she agreed and mentioned this guy that she and her friends stalk cause he’s really pretty and looks like Obama. She was like, ‘I would totally get with black dudes now!’ But then I was like no, no. Obama does not count. It is not the same.”
It is safe to say that I do not think my interview went well. Jamie also looked possibly a quarter black.
