The Slant The Humor and Satire Newspaper of Vanderbilt University

Dear Kayne,
I really had trouble with my econ class so I decided to go to office hours with my professor. He didn't really talk about the class, but he did ask me about what I do ... at nights ... and then something happened that I don't want to talk about. Now I'm getting straight As, but I don't feel good about it. What should I do?
Violated in Vandy-Barnard

Yea, uh-uh ... ya feel this?
I'ma have to go and side with my bro
I ain't gotta problem with exploitin' you, ho
He just tryin' to get his thang on, I figure
Besides, you know I don't answer questions from no gol'digger.
KanYeWest
 
 

Dear Kanye,
How do you think I should deal with midterms? I've got huge chemistry test and a philosophy paper due tomorrow. I've been trying to study, but I can't focus, and I wanted to ask someone who knows whats its like to deal with a lot of pressure all the time.
Struggling in Stambaugh

Yea, we gon' do it like this right hurr ... aww shit
Yo, I couldn't even tell you what the fuck philosophy is
I've been making too much money in this music biz
You think I got pressure? The fuck you tryin' to say?
I just chill out, light up and smoke the pain away.
KanYeWest
 
 

Dear Kanye,
I wanted to know how you deal with all the women you get on a daily basis. I mean, I do fine with girls that use unmarked cups, but I couldn't imagine how you do it on a daily basis.
Confounded in Currey

Oh not this shit again ... a'ight, here we go
Man, the bitches I get are of the highest quality
You couldn't even come close, so why you askin' me?
But lemme tell you why you're not close to my level,
When you go to bed, you're faster than the Tasmanian Devil.
Ohhh shit, he didn't think I'd pull that shit on his ass!
KanYeWest
 
 

What's up Kanye?
When I came to Vandy, I thought it was going to be like most colleges, where you could just have fun wherever. But I see now that if you wanna go to the best places as a girl, you have to be hot. What do you think I should do if I'm only average?
Neglected in North

Hey Gurl,
Man, I know you're ugly, don't try to hide it
I get 10 bitches a day, you think I don't know shit?
Let me tell you something, give you some of my knowledge, bitches like you were the reason I dropped out of college
Here's my advice though, I don't care if it's sleazy,
Find a frat, and get a reputation for being easy 'cause some guys at houses are so fucked up on juice
They won't care about your looks, or even if you're loose.
KanYeWest
 
 

Dear Kanye,
Yo Kanye, I wanna know what you were thinking at Commodore Quake when you were playing-
Curious in Crawford

George Bush doesn't care about black people.
KanYeWest