The Slant The Humor and Satire Newspaper of Vanderbilt University

    Dear Readers,
    These past few months as editor-in-chief of The Slant have been one of the greatest times of my short life. Over the course of these last four issues I have fallen in love with each and every one of you 22 people who read The Slant. That makes what I am about to do all the more difficult. After extensive thought and discussions with my staff, I have come to the conclusion I'm not cut out for this kind of prominent leadership role. I have a lot of stuff on my plate, and trying to keep Vanderbilt laughing — and perhaps thinking — a bit more than when I arrived has become too great a burden. And so, I must regretfully resign as editor-in-chief of The Slant.
    No, not really. I've got eight more issues left to screw things up for my successor.
    Man! I bet I really got you there, didn't I? Whew, I'm good!
    Speaking of clever jokes, a friend told me one not too long ago and I said I'd mention it in The Slant, but I've forgotten it. Hopefully this counts.
    Speaking of friends, I met a lot of fantastic people these last few weeks as well as one mediocre person. (Bet you think it's you, don't you?)
    Two people I did not have the pleasure of meeting, however, were the couple this weekend who were having sex in a public bathroom while I was in the next stall. (Bet that's you, too?) That was a little uncomfortable.
    Speaking of uncomfortableness, I lost and/or broke two pairs of shoes this week. That means my nightly walks around campus are now confined to places clean enough to walk barefoot. (Namely, North Hall.) Masculine Mike was kind enough to offer his shoes, but, sadly, he's only size eleven. But you know what they say about men with small feet...
    Nothing, because they're not worth gossipping about.
    Speaking of speaking of, I really have to find a new segue for my column. Either that, or stay on topic for just a few hundred words.
    Speaking of a few hundred, is it sad that I'm looking forward to the day I turn 7100 days old more than my 21st birthday? I decided back in high school to celebrate life on a daily basis rather than a yearly basis, and the reason is simple: more presents. Don't dissapoint me.
    Color the wheat.