People keep coming up to me and saying things like, "Are you that crazy mofo who knifed a Georgia fan the other night?" For the billionth time, yes I am, and I’ve been tremendously disappointed in my classmates’ reactions to the incident. For instance, when the guy was writhing around on the ground screaming something about William T. Sherman, my friend Jake just had to go and call an ambulance. Real mature, Jake; I’m sure the top grad schools are all looking for students who freak out when faced with real world situations.
    The fact is, knife fights are a big part of being an adult. Vanderbilt is an elite university, and its students should be more prepared than most others to deal with the circumstances of adult life. But reactions like my friend Jake’s, the frantic looks I get waiting in the cafeteria line, and the exclamations of shock I hear from complete strangers go to show that Vanderbilt needs to grow up.
    The worst reaction, to my surprise, has come from the university police. I have always greatly respected Vanderbilt University Police Department for its commitment to keeping our campus safe, but now they follow me around, try to break into my dorm while I’m there, and chase me during my morning jogs, shouting obnoxious things like "You’re under arrest." Just yesterday, in fact, I was in the Student Life Center enjoying my tea and reading Ovid’s Metamorphoses in the original Latin, when a troupe of about 15 police officers swarmed into the room and tried to abduct me. I was able to escape their childish charade, but I spilled tea all over my book, which is a valuable copy signed by the author. Once again, real mature.
    We can do better, Vanderbilt. We as a student body have the intellect to be above squealing like schoolgirls every time someone commits a murder. I’m willing to put the past behind us and forget this whole fiasco, but the next time I stab an opposing fan, how about a little maturity?