1. With a guest appearance by Sir Francis Drake
2. Phoenix rises again (name of Harry Potter phoenix)
3. Passion Pit = Supermodel’s Vagina

2)      Top 10 Reasons to Stay in Nashville over the Summer

3)      Dormoscopes   (DIBS: Brendan)

4)      Abused Furniture   (DIBS: Clay)

5)      Point / Counterpoint: Broken Bones (DIBS: Justin and Charlotte)

6)      Cover Idea:

1. Obama in SPACE (Jam)
   1. i.      Picture
   2. ii.      Article explaining Obama’s space exploration funding

7)      Tennessee wins huge education dollars (DIBS: Amit)

8)      A.J. Ogilvy making life transitions

1. Hagrid takes his position on the court (either Vandy or NBA)

9)      Peabody #1 Again, Bitches!

1. Image and comment (fake, but real, ad)

10)   International Leadership Degree

11)   Summer / Summer Movies (centerspread)

12)   Exams and Finals Stress

1. Dirty paper tricks
   1. i.      Increase period size
   2. ii.      Increase margins size

13)   Tiger Woods in the Masters (DIBS: Grant)

14)   Amish cell phone Family Plan

15)   Fun Golf Cart Activities

16)   Board Games that Parallel with the Real World

17)   Robert Pattinson in new film roles, WTF? (DIBS: Charlotte)

18)   Physics Class / Aaron Rodger’s Little Brother

19)   Fucked Image:  Silky  Smooth jumpshot

20)   Baseball (DIBS: Alec)

21)   Allergy Season sucks

22)   List of Tragic Events and their associated Jokes that are too Soon

1. Jesus
2. Cain
3. Darth Vader
4. Jar Jar Binks
5. Caesar
6. Billy Mays
7. Optimus Prime
8. General Custer
9. Heath Ledger
10. The Alamo
11. Pompeii
12. Henry t he 8^th’s wives
13. OASIS
14. Gordon Gee
15. Roswell
16. FDR’s legs
17. Versus
18. Tiger Woods

2)      Future of Democracy Ideas

1. Who we want to see at IMPACT Symposium next year
   1. i.      Jesse Ventura vs. Arnold Schweneger (DIBS Andrew Ligon)

3)      Competitor Pizza Coupon

1. Prank on capitalism
2. Made to look like a real coupon so that other chains honor it

4)      OASIS program goes on vacation

1. YES upgraded to YEAAAH!

5)      Rites of Spring

6)      Engineering Staplers

7)      High-tech teachers

1. Finally learn how to master Google Docs
2. Or, get a Masters in Google Docs

8)      Our diplomas are worth more!

1. Thanks, Class of 2014, for doing all the work for us.

9)      Juggleville à Plays with Balls

10)   In a Dark, Dark House

1. The play takes place in side of Neely Auditorium with absolutely no lights

11)   In order to have their wardrobes match the girls’ floral, summer dresses, guys start wearing shirts with Venus Fly Traps on them (DIBS: Justin Barisich)

12)   Coolers for Frat Formals (CENTER-SPREAD)

13)   Move-In Crew (DIBS: JoJackson)

14)   Flowchart of hard assignments

1. HOD paper
2. Drawing assignment
3. Quiz
4. Midterm
5. Final
6. Thesis statement
7. Thesis
8. Real job

This issue publishes on 3-24-10

Meetings: Thursdays at 8 PM, Sarratt 130

Submit your writing(s) by the Sunday before production (by 1pm, plz)

Production times:

Sunday from 5-10

Monday from 1-11pm

Tuesday from 5-8pm

For all: Sarratt 130

Features:

Front Page (300 words) x 3

Big Stories = 500-800 words-ish

Short Stories = 375-500 words-ish

Top 10 list

Around the Loop (ATL)

Fucked Image

Bastard Confession

Center Spread

Throwaways (w/ pics)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

NEW IDEAS

1)      Spring Break Exploits

1. Personal anecdotes
2. Vandy’s Spring Break being too early, all my other friends were either out of town or taking their own midterms

2)      Point/Counterpoint/Counter-counterpoint

1. Slaving at ASB vs. Relaxing in/on/at Cancun/Beach vs. Sitting at Home

3)      Obama predicts Vandy to lose in the first round of March Madness

1. If only you yelled more, all 8 of you who attended the game
   1. i.      Failure of the 6^th man
      1. Failure of the university to inspire the 6^th man and get the students/fans out to San Jose; stupid, apathetic email.
         1. “Tickets cost $83, get your own ass there and find somewhere to put it once you arrive.”

4)      ATL:

1. What did you do for Spring Break?

5)      Facial hair styles   [Dibs: JUSTIN BARISICH]

1. Now that it’s getting warmer, you longer need to hide behind that grizzly lumberjack beard. So, have fun and experiment with the “art of subtraction” and see what follicle art you can create on yourself, or on your drugged roommate.
2. Return of the Hitler mustache (he can’t take it to the grave with him!)

6)      Mock Interview [Dibs: ZACH WRIGHT]

1. Of a dead, unimportant person
2. Make fun of Versus
   1. i.      Parody their interview with the producer of Hot Tub Time Machine

7)      The Black-Jewish Alliance (BJA)   [Dibs: JUSTIN BARISICH]

1. The “BJ” Alliance.
   1. i.      Main event: March 14^th, Steak and Blowjob Day
   2. ii.      Many new supporters join this club out of plain ole’ confusion and a lack of truth in advertising

8)      Top 10:

1. Things that are better to do with a partner.
   1. i.      Sex
      1. Procrastination is like masturbation, it all feels good until you realize you’re just fucking yourself.
      2. ii.      Drinking
         1. Because then it’s not alcoholism.
         2. iii.      Tandem bicycling
         3. iv.      Assisted suicide
         4. v.      Playing checkers
         5. vi.      The luge
         6. vii.      Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots
         7. viii.      Sponge baths
         8. ix.      Making banana pancakes
         9. x.      Holding hands
         10. xi.      Getting married
         11. xii.      Talking/sexting

9)      Parodies of popular books/stories

10)  Guest Speakers

1. Ultimate Battle between Ralph Nader, Mitt Romney, and John Stossel, all of whom are coming to give speeches within a 2-day span for the annual IMPACT Symposium.

11)  “Honest” tours of campus [Dibs: CLAY CHRISTAIN]

12)  Fucked Image: A fake Derby Days Clue

13)  MOSAIC Weekend [Dibs: JOJACKSON]

14)  New YES class registration system

1. Include a picture of the Yes band.

15)  Sleep [Dibs: ZACH WRIGHT]

1. Walking
2. Eating
3. Raping
4. Doing the dishes

16)  Bastard Confession:

1. Daylight Savings Time Man
   1. i.      “I stole your hour, biotch! But I’ll give it back to you later, I promise.”

17)  Café Con Leche

1. Performers actually prefer tea
2. Fights against café au lait
3. Other events begin to take beverage names as well
   1. i.      PNYF: Pepsi New Year Festival

18)  Rainbow ReVU Week

1. Throw a Gay Ambivalence/Disillusionment Parade
2. “Stop making me feel bad. I can’t help it that I’m not gay!”

19)  ASBenefit

1. Essentially, massive orgy with superfluous reminiscing

20)  S.S. Rand goes to Somalia

1. Gets kidnapped by pirates, passengers held hostage, no food gets delivered
2. But the students are impressed by the amount of effort and rehearsing the dining staff did to make the dinner realistic.

21)  Essay on Feminism [Dibs: Candace Clavyon]

Submit your writing(s) by the Sunday before production at 1pm

Production runs from:

Sunday from 5-10

Monday from 1-11pm

Tuesday from 5-8pm

For all: Sarratt 130

Features

Front Page (300 words) x 3

Big Stories= 500-800 wordsish

Short Stories= 375-500 wordsish

Top 10 list

Around the Loop (ATL)

Fucked Image

Bastard Confession

Center Spread

Throwaways (w/ pics)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

New Ideass:

1. Parodies of popular books/stories
2. The Olympics
   1. Fake descriptions of what the sports are (DIBS: Andrew)
      1. i.     i.e. curling requires a hot hair styling tool
      2. ii.     Also, how they started: eg. 2-man lug
3. What should be sports (DIBS: Ryan)
4. Spring Olympics (DIBS: Caitlin)
5. Story about Drake, possibly relating to Degrassi (DIBS: JoJackson)
6. Rites
   1. Real interviews with the Rites lineup (perhaps smaller ones)
   2. We wanted O.A.R. and this is what you give us??
   3. Who we really should have for Rites
   4. Lost (DIBS: Zach)
      1. From the perspective of someone who has never watched the show.
      2. Meals get progressively smaller/worse each year
      3. Housing charts
         1. But written in Japanese with symbols etc which one cannot read
         2. Modest proposal on Spring break condom distribution packs (DIBS: Charlotte)
         3. ASB fake sites (DIBS: Jim)

10. BYX hazing

1. Puns off “bucks”
2. Hazing= making them read the Qur’an.

11. Better beer ads

1. Shotgun-ready cans (perforated)
2. Instead of super cold, luke warm so you can chug it better

12.  Beer games

1. Beer Olympic games

13. Greece Story

1. Connecting Greece’s debt to Greek life in debt, the destruction of Greek life, Pike going broke

14. Valentine’s Day movie—famous people + holidays = blockbuster

1. Independence day
2. Christmas Story
3. Ferris Buehler’s day off
4. Groundhog’s day
5. Etc.

15. March Madness—Vandy style (DIBS: Kyle Hope, but this will be collaborative)

1. Branscomb Breakfast v. Branscomb double
2. Hustler vs. Hustler store
3. Diet Coke vs. Rand Wall
4. Doesn’t have to make any sense

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

STILL UNUSED IDEAS

1. 1.Fashion section
   1. Hobo fashion
   2. Fashion where everything is $1,000,0000’s
   3. Spoofing Versus
   4. “Party and Bullshit” (there is just so much Versus stuff to spoof)
      1. Soirées and this paper
      2. IMF money-loaning policies
      3. Post-raging pics
      4. Mardi Gras—point/counterpoint w/ Vandy vs. New Orleans
         1. NOLA version (DIBS: Justin)
            1. i.     Show me your tits
2. Vandy Version
   1. i.     Show me your Vandy card
   2. Rites of Spring lineup (DIBS: Meryem)
   3. Top 10 worst Baby names
      1. Window
      2. Jesus Condom
      3. Le-A
      4. Eurethra
      5. Randomly awesome (and deceptive) websites

http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com
i. Self-explanatory

www.HighDEAS.com
i. The place for “inspiration”

www.redtube.com
i. Sneaky porn site

www.LPSG.org
i. Large Penis Support Group

http://www.studentology.net/tuesday/
i. Is it Tuesday?

http://iamawesome.com/
i. At least someone thinks so.

http://dicktowel.com/
i. Courtesy of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

more…)

7. Funny Calls to Action
a. Submit the most ridiculous opinion articles ever to the Hustler to see which one gets printed

8. Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?

This issue will have LLamapalooza in it! =)

Submit your writing(s) by Sunday at 1pm

Production runs from:

Sunday from 5-10

Monday from 1-11pm

Tuesday from 5-8pm

For all: Sarratt 130

Features

Front Page (300 words) x 3

Big Stories= 500-800 wordsish

Short Stories= 375-500 wordsish

Top 10 list

Around the Loop (ATL)

Fucked Image

Bastard Confession

Center Spread

Throwaways (w/ pics)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

1. IPad:
   1. Apple releases a yoga mat like no one has ever seen before!
   2. Facing copyright charges from Fujitsu who already have a product called iPad
      1. i.     People already skeptical of the name exclaim: “WHY??”
      2. ii.     Mad dash for copyrighting i-items
2. Guys go to the store, buy iPads for their girlfriends
3. J.D. Salinger is dead
   1. And yet Ozzy Ozborne someone how still alive
   2. Tesco grocery bans wearing P.J.’s in their stores. Perhaps they’ve been to people of Walmart?
   3. Pres. Of South Africa, Jacob Zuma, marries third wife. In other news, the site of the 2010 World Cup has just been moved to the Dark Ages.
   4. VSG Election
      1. Primary exit polls:
         1. i.     44% of student body voted
         2. ii.     Senior class had highest turnout with 56%
         3. iii.     It’s like the real elections!
         4. Top 10 worst Baby names
            1. 1. Window
            2. Vandy Basketball!
            3. Hustler opinion columns: “If we’re going down, Greek life is coming with us!”
            4. Fraternities becoming sororities

10. Vandy students who were rejected from Harvard enraged by lack of “Southern” weather

1. Finally believe in global climate change

11. Vandy spoken word member takes sign language classes, performance becomes significantly less interesting

12.  R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”

1. you gotta see it.

13. Fashion section

1. Hobo fashion
2. Fashion where everything is $1,000,0000’s
3. Spoofing Versus

14. Shoe of the week (spoofing Versus)

1. What you already own!
   1. i.     Contentment
2. Pure gold

15. “Party and Bullshit” (there is just so much Versus stuff to spoof)

1. Soirées and this paper
2. IMF money-loaning policies
3. 7 Deadliest sins McGill party
4. Post-raging pics

16. Non-drunk accidents anecdotes (DIBS: Claire S)

17.  Mr. Jesus Bojangles, the snowman (DIBS: Clay)

18. Fucked image: Dino with a monocle, wearing a tux, with balloons tattoo (DIBS: Brendan)

19.  Super bowl

1. Bastard Confession: “Who Dat? I Dat.” – Peyton Manning
2. Victory virginity for the Siants
3. Manning= championship whore

20. Hardcore guys at the gym (DIBS: Justin)

21. V-Day (centerspread)

1. How to write a break-up letter (DIBS: Charlotte)
2. The Grinch decides to steal hearts (DIBS: Clay)
3. Worst Candy hearts (DIBS: Kyle and Brendan)
   1. i.     Morning after pills
   2. ii.     Twilight hearts
   3. iii.     Etc.

22. Mardi Gras—point/counterpoint w/ Vandy vs. New Orleans

1. NOLA version (DIBS: Justin)
   1. i.     Show me your tits
2. Vandy Version
   1. i.     Show me your Vandy card

23. Rites of Spring lineup (DIBS: Meryem)

24. Top 10 worst Baby names

1. Window
2. Jesus Condom
3. Le-A
4. Eurethra

25. Vandy-Girl Game (DIBS: Meryem)

1. Point system

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

STILL UNUSED IDEAS

1. Randomly awesome (and deceptive) websites

http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com
i. Self-explanatory

www.HighDEAS.com
i. The place for “inspiration”

www.redtube.com
i. Sneaky porn site

www.LPSG.org
i. Large Penis Support Group

http://www.studentology.net/tuesday/
i. Is it Tuesday?

http://iamawesome.com/
i. At least someone thinks so.

http://dicktowel.com/
i. Courtesy of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

more…)

2. Funny Calls to Action
a. Submit the most ridiculous opinion articles ever to the Hustler to see which one gets printed

3. Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?

Reminders:
a. Issue comes out on 1-27-10.
b. Submit your writing(s) by Sunday at 1pm
c. Productions: Monday from 1-11pm and Tuesday from 5-8pm (Sarratt 130)
d. Features
i. Front page
ii. Big Stories = 500-800 words
iii. Short Stories = 375-ish words
iv. Top 10 list
v. Around the Loop (ATL)
vi. Interview(s)
vii. Fucked Image
viii. Bastard Confession
ix. Advice Column
x. Center Spread
xi. Throwaways
xii. Others…

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

NEW IDEAS (Compiled on 1-18-10)

1) Students imprisoned in McTyeire (Dibs: AMIT SHINTRE)

2) “Ask Hannah” posters (Dibs: DAN KING)
a. Spam her spamming
b. Slant takes over this column and poses as Hannah in our publication, pretend like it was our idea all along

3) ATL is mine, bitch!
a. Print next issue’s ATL pics in 3-D form
b. (Free cutout of 3-D glasses included!)

4) Be an R.A. (Dibs: BRENDAN ALVIANI)
a. Make our own dining hall ads
b. Who needs Friday nights anyway?

5) New Gay Frat (Dibs: JIM GILLIAN)
a. Very progressive (…rock)
b. The house looks dirty from the outside but smells great inside!
c. Being the 1 straight guy in the gay frat
i. Leads to an eventual increase in creepers
d. Lesbian Sorority, soon coming to a campus near you.

6) Pike misplaces decimal point, loses house (short article)

7) Top 10 phrases uttered during sorority rush (Dibs: MERYEM DEDE)

Charts: Dibs: BRENDAN ALVIANI)
a. Where you want to live compared to where you will actually live next year.
b. Twin pie-charts combined into a Venn Diagram

9) Point / Counterpoint:
a. Jay Leno vs. Conan O’Brien (Dibs: JUSTIN and CLAY)

10) New IFC recruitment process (Dibs: CAITLIN MEYER)
a. Boys wear uniforms, ostracize lone boy with black blazer
b. Revel process = a case of each different type of cheap beer for each frat is placed under the guys who get chosen (mocking the girls’ envelope reveal and squeal)

11) Jersey Shore (Dibs: DAN KING)

12) Avatar (Dibs: JOE S.)
a. Takes white guilt to a whole new level
b. Smurfs on steroids
c. Blue Man Group
d. Blue folk from Kentucky
e. Suffocating people (asphyxiates)
f. Democrats
g. Depressed people
h. Cold people

13) Haiti (Dibs: ANDREW LIGON)
a. Poorest country evaaarrr, but we just start to notice now.
b. It was an insider’s job to get media attention
c. Pat Robertson’s “cursed for making a pact with the devil” comment
d. List of other suffering countries and their ailments

14) The Crotch-Bomber (Dibs: CHRIS WATKINS)
a. Not a sex move/position
b. Wanna be a full-body scanner and look at naked people?
c. With underwear no longer allowed on planes, pantyless girls finally fit in.
d. Superbad 2: International Travel

15) Cover Idea: New Apple Product to be revealed on Jan. 27th
a. Steve Jobs pic
b. “i-bacus” (abacus)
i. Mock Apple’s silhouette style ads by having someone hold the “new” device.

16) Make fun of the protest on MLK, Jr. Day.
a. They were protesting about not getting the day off to do “service.”
b. Their literal chant was “I believe in MLK!”
i. I also believe in MLK. I, too believe that he was a real person and more than just a fable or something, but that’s nothing to chant about.
1. I wish that they would have come up with a chant that wasn’t so easy to laugh at.

17) PILF’s: Professors I’d Like to Fuck (possible ATL)
a. With the new semester and new teachers who are your PILF choices?
b. We could research the “hot” rating on ratemyprofessors.com…

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

STILL UNUSED IDEAS

1) Personal Ad’s (for almost Valentine’s Day issue / to raise money for actual, good cause)
a. New dating website
i. Slantharmony.com
ii. Slarmony.com
b. Featured full profiles
c. Classified style blurbs

2) Guide to InsideVandy.com website
a. Vandy on Twitter
i. Cycles through old posts, but never updates.
b. Blogs from Study Abroad kids
c. Confusing layout, with all the important stuff hidden like Easter Eggs

3) Randomly awesome (and deceptive) websites
a. http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com
i. Self-explanatory
b. www.HighDEAS.com
i. The place for “inspiration”
c. www.redtube.com
i. Sneaky porn site
d. www.LPSG.org
i. Large Penis Support Group
e. http://www.studentology.net/tuesday/
i. Is it Tuesday?
f. http://iamawesome.com/
i. At least someone thinks so.
g. http://dicktowel.com/
i. Courtesy of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
h. (more…)

4) Greek Life actually infects campus with swine flu
a. Literally getting sick of doing sorority house rounds
b. Fumigation becomes necessary
c. “free shots,” get yours

5) FAKE AD: Stupid Survey Stats
a. 95.361% of students don’t smoke crack and drive
i. Go Us!

6) Funny Calls to Action
a. Submit the most ridiculous opinion articles ever to the Hustler to see which one gets printed

7) i-Berlin Wall 2.0
a. “Shake well, separation is natural.”
b. Of Commons and Communists
c. Hunger Strike / Extreme Buffet eating contests as acts of protest
d. Mini-“care” packages / lofted over the wall with mini-parachutes
e. Men with NERF guns guarding it
f. Kool-Aid Man reappears
g. Berliners appear from behind the glass windows of MRB III as the fake walls come down
i. Berliners are donuts too!

Cover idea:
a. Brady Bunch-esque picture of minorities on campus
i. Have 3 copies of the same Asian girl because we couldn’t find another one to have different pictures.

9) John Cabot University ad in the Hustler = ad for Vandy Lite! (FAKE AD)

10) Unexpected T.V. stars that were once military killers
a. Drew Carey
b. Mr. Rogers
c. Ice-T
d. Montel

11) Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?

12) New ASB Sites
a. Guiding Natty Light
b. ASB = “Average” Spring Break

13) “Where the Wild Things Are”
a. Hipster list vs. Preppy List

14) DA-DA Club?

15) Centerspread Idea 1
b. Horrible movie adaptations of other children’s books
i. “Sin City” overhaul of various Dr. Seuss stories
ii. “Get the Fuck Down, Moon” instead of Goodnight, Moon
iii. The Very Hungry (Bulimic) Caterpillar

16) Balloon Boy = real-life version of UP!
i. Not sanctioned by Disney/Pixar

17) Hobo’s, Now on the Card! / Hobo-Cash

18) FML / Texts from Last Night generator formula

19) “B.C.” = Before Commons (students)
a. Story of how the administration just wants to get rid of all us B.C. students

20) Interview with the guy who met last year’s Kissam Hobo in the bathroom

21) Quizno’s Tom Update
a. “Subway Seizure” story

22) Famous Alumni Interviews
b. Bill Gates
c. Al Gore
d. (more)

23) The Sophomore Slump / Slums
e. Lobby in Vandy/Barnard??
f. (Top 10) Things the new Freshies can thank the Sophomores for…

24) Stereotypical College Kid Posters
g. Examples: End of the War Kiss, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean, Belushi with College sweatshirt (replace his head with Zeppos’), The Joker, etc.
h. (What do your posters say about you?)

25) Sprinklers
i. New Sport – Sprinkler dodging/limbo
j. Feel like James Bond in a stealth movie or Mario dodging fireballs in Bowser’s Castle
k. Wet T-shirt Contest!

26) Squirrels
l. Squirrel on every page doing a different pose
m. Chip and Dale, the adventuring chipmunks, make a guest appearance

Reminders:

1. a. Issue comes out on 12-9-09.
2. b. Submit your writing(s) by Sunday at 6pm
3. c. Productions: Monday from 1-11pm and Tuesday from 5-8pm (Sarratt 135)
4. d. Features

i. Front page

ii. Big Stories = 500-800 words

iii. Short Stories = 375-ish words

iv. Top 10 list

v. Around the Loop (ATL)

vi. Interview(s)

vii. Fucked Image

viii. Bastard Confession

ix. Advice Column

x. Center Spread

xi. Throwaways

xii. Others…

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

NEW IDEAS (Compiled on 11-30-09)

1)      Alpha-male relationship guide (Dibs: AUSTIN CAROE)

2)      Guide to InsideVandy.com website (Dibs: BRENDAN ALVIANI)

1. a. Vandy on Twitter

i. Cycles through old posts, but never updates.

1. b. Blogs from Study Abroad kids
2. c. Confusing layout, with all the important stuff hidden like Easter Eggs

3)      Randomly awesome (and deceptive) websites (Dibs: BRENDAN ALVIANI)

1. http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com

i.      Self-explanatory

1. www.HighDEAS.com

i.      The place for “inspiration”

1. www.redtube.com

i.      Sneaky porn site

1. www.LPSG.org

i.      Large Penis Support Group

1. http://www.studentology.net/tuesday/

i.      Is it Tuesday?

1. http://iamawesome.com/

i.      At least someone thinks so.

1. http://dicktowel.com/

i.      Courtesy of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

1. (more…)

4)      Greek Life actually infects campus with swine flu (Dibs: RYAN CARR)

1. a. Literally getting sick of doing sorority house rounds
2. b. Fumigation becomes necessary
3. c. “free shots,” get yours

5)      MADNESS (Dibs: DAN KING)

1. vs. RAGE

i.      Band

ii.      Tri-Delt’s t-shirt

1. Sparta-kick

i.      Begins a pandemic of asshole-ishness

ii.      Heeled girls get arrested for impaling people

6)      New Moon (Dibs: CAITLIN)

1. Highest grossing midnight movie ever

i.      Take that, Mr. Dark Knight, even with your throat cancer and dead actor

ii.      Team Jacob vs. Team Edward vs. Team Alice

1. Bella actually chooses to leave with Alice in the end

iii.      Relevancy to a real, lunar, new moon

7)      FAKE AD: Stupid Survey Stats

1. 95.361% of students don’t smoke crack and drive

i.      Go Us!

8)      Personal Ad’s

1. New dating website

i.      Slantharmony.com

ii.      Slarmony.com

1. Featured full profiles
2. Classified style blurbs

9)      Obituaries (Dibs: ANDREW LIGON and AUSTIN CAROE)

1. Vandy football’s ego
2. Etc.

10)  Word Clouds (Dibs: JUSTIN BARISICH)

1. Of everything in the issue
2. http://www.wordle.net/

i.      The Hustler’s word frequency

ii.      The Slant’s word frequency

11)  Funny Calls to Action

1. Submit the most ridiculous opinion articles ever to the Hustler to see which one gets printed

12)  ECON 569 (Dibs: ABI)

1. Porn resume
2. Porn-ish / inappropriate crossword puzzle or scavenger hunt
3. Dirty / explicit Madlibs (Dibs: RUDY WU)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

STILL UNUSED IDEAS

13)  i-Berlin Wall 2.0

1. a. “Shake well, separation is natural.”
2. b. Of Commons and Communists
3. c. Hunger Strike / Extreme Buffet eating contests as acts of protest
4. d. Mini-“care” packages / lofted over the wall with mini-parachutes
5. e. Men with NERF guns guarding it
6. f. Kool-Aid Man reappears
7. g. Berliners appear from behind the glass windows of MRB III as the fake walls come down

i. Berliners are donuts too!

14)  Cover idea:

1. Brady Bunch-esque picture of minorities on campus

i.      Have 3 copies of the same Asian girl because we couldn’t find another one to have different pictures.

15)  iPhone creativity (Dibs: CHARLOTTE)

1. camera-phone pic sent to other time zones in order to get a sober judgment of another person’s legit hotness
2. Updates on you’re the Pub orders

i.      “Sorry, your fries were ganked by a football player again.”

ii.      “Oh, just come back next week and try again.”

1. Phone numbers and contacts games

i.      Dialing wrong numbers (intentionally or unintentionally) and fucking with people

ii.      Receiving calls from people you don’t know and pretending to be what/who they’re for

1. 1. “Yes, this is Domino’s…”

iii.      Taking your friend’s phone and renaming all of their contacts as Sesame Street characters.

1. GPS Assassins app on the iPhone

16)  John Cabot University ad in the Hustler = ad for Vandy Lite! (FAKE AD)

17)  “Bonzai” theory of improving the football team

1. “Break them to make them stronger.”

18)  Unexpected T.V. stars that were once military killers (Dibs: RUDY)

1. Drew Carey
2. Mr. Rogers
3. Ice-T
4. Montel

19)  “Coexist”

1. …in the name of free food
2. Compose a schedule of when and where to get free food

20)  Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?

21)  Retaliating against all bitch-ass RA’s

1. Booze probie can’t drink pains away anymore
2. Bitchiest RA ever
3. Is a puppy-punter
4. Is a baby rapist
5. …but not really

i.      Talk about the psychology of people only remembering headlines

22)  ATL à Most disappointed(-ing) majors

23)  New ASB Sites

1. Guiding Natty Light
2. ASB = “Average” Spring Break

24)  “Where the Wild Things Are”

1. Hipster list vs. Preppy List

25)  DA-DA Club?

26)  Centerspread Idea 1

1. Horrible movie adaptations of other children’s books

i.      “Sin City” overhaul of various Dr. Seuss stories

ii.      “Get the Fuck Down, Moon” instead of Goodnight, Moon

iii.      The Very Hungry (Bulimic) Caterpillar

27)  Balloon Boy = real-life version of UP!

i.      Not sanctioned by Disney/Pixar

28)  Football game re-cap from a non-footballin’ perspective

29)  Hobo’s, Now on the Card! / Hobo-Cash

30)  FML / Texts from Last Night generator formula

31)  “B.C.” = Before Commons (students)

1. a. Story of how the administration just wants to get rid of all us B.C. students

32)  Interview with the guy who met last year’s Kissam Hobo in the bathroom

33)  Quizno’s Tom Update

1. “Subway Seizure” story

34)  Famous Alumni Interviews

1. Bill Gates
2. Al Gore
3. …

35)  Biological Warfare Against the Indians

1. Via blankets via swine flu
2. Swine Snuggies
3. Indian Retaliation

i.      Tea Embargos / Blockades

ii.      Question the Commodore’s actual maritime credentials

iii.      Lack of oranges = scurvy

36)  Pop Culture

1. Gentle(man) / Sir GaGa
2. “Dude looks like a lady GaGa”

37)  Swine Flu / H1N1

1. (ATL) à “How did the Swine Flu epidemic affect you?”
2. (Possible VTV idea) Disaster movie à 20 hours after exposure, Day 2, Day 3, etc.

38)  The Sophomore Slump / Slums

1. Lobby in Vandy/Barnard??
2. (Top 10) Things the new Freshies can thank the Sophomores for…

39)  Stereotypical College Kid Posters

1. Examples: End of the War Kiss, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean, Belushi with College sweatshirt (replace his head with Zeppos’), The Joker, etc.
2. (What do your posters say about you?)

40)  Sprinklers

1. New Sport – Sprinkler dodging/limbo
2. Feel like James Bond in a stealth movie or Mario dodging fireballs in Bowser’s Castle
3. Wet T-shirt Contest!

41)  Squirrels

1. Squirrel on every page doing a different pose
2. Chip and Dale, the adventuring chipmunks, make a guest appearance

42)  Cougar Column

1. Cougar hunting

-I can’t see that girl’s ass. Let’s get closer

-Jack Frost wrote really cool poems! I’m an English major!

-I just need someone to sleep with tonight. will you sleep with me?
Nah, man, i gotta play warcraft.

-Is this a potato or an apple? It tastes like urine!

-Even jesus was like “water? fuck this: alcohol!”

Football Fan:  I’m gonna wear a paper bag over my head for the rest of the season

Guy wearing a lumberjacket:  Who doesn’t love a lumberjacket?  Oh yeah, women.

Indie kid: I could try to explain my fashion sense to you, but you wouldn’t understand it

Dude from Northern Mischigan: Shorts and a T-shirt.  What, is this cold for you guys?

Jay-Z fan: Well, I can’t wear panties any more.  I threw all of mine on stage at the concert.

Leather jacket guy:  Sometimes I am so badass it hurts.

That creepy guy walking right behind you:  Tights as pants.  They’re so… fashionable… ladies.

Twilight fan:  In an ideal world, I’d be wearing a jacket made out of Robert Pattinson.

Reminders:

1. a.      Issue comes out on 11-18-09.
2. b.      Submit your writing(s) by Sunday at 6pm
3. c.       Productions: Monday from 1-11pm and Tuesday from 5-8pm (Sarratt 135)
4. d.      Features

                                                              i.      Front page

                                                            ii.      Big Stories = 500-800 words

                                                          iii.      Short Stories = 375-ish words

                                                           iv.      Top 10 list

                                                             v.      Around the Loop (ATL)

                                                           vi.      Interview(s)

                                                         vii.      Fucked Image

                                                       viii.      Bastard Confession

                                                           ix.      Advice Column

                                                             x.      Center Spread

                                                           xi.      Throwaways

                                                         xii.      Others…

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

NEW IDEAS (Compiled on 11-9-09)

1)      Diphthongs (Throwaway)

1. Not just for hot linguistics majors anymore

2)      i-Berlin Wall 2.0

1. a.      “Shake well, separation is natural.”
2. b.      Of Commons and Communists
3. c.       Hunger Strike / Extreme Buffet eating contests as acts of protest
4. d.      Mini-“care” packages / lofted over the wall with mini-parachutes
5. e.       Men with NERF guns guarding it
6. f.       Kool-Aid Man reappears
7. g.      Berliners appear from behind the glass windows of MRB III as the fake walls come down

                                                              i.      Berliners are donuts too!

3)      VUT/“Beauty Queen” Humor (Bastard Confession)

1. Actors stricken with cases of PTSD / multiple-personality disorders after show because of working with interchanging co-actors
2. Shortbread blowjobs
3. Aphrodisiac / not so “short” after all

4)      Ceiling Scrapings = Snowfall (or extreme dandruff) (YAY!) (Dibs: ANDREW)

5)      TOP 10 things you’re thankful for (Dibs: DAN KING)

6)      Emailing / Owl-ing deficiency reports to save paper and lives (Throwaway)

7)      Slant version of Versus’ “Fall Fashion” expose (Possible ATL)

1. Student decked out with face-paint for football game is actually just going to class on a random Wednesday
2. Half and Half clothes

                                                              i.      Party hard/work hard mockery à same clothes, just draw a line through person

1. Richard Houston making fun of being picked by Versus for being fashionable when he really couldn’t have given a shit.

8)      Free Brad Paisley (Fucked Image)

1. Play around with grammar

                                                              i.      Free (as in food)

                                                            ii.      Free (as in liberate)

9)      Poetic poster advertising that students not forget to register for Spring semester classes

1. Make fun of this by coming up with own poems that ridicule simple things freshies shouldn’t forget, like washing socks or brushing teeth.
2. (Dibs: RYAN CARR)

10)   Minorities partying while white kids are stuck studying (picture) (Dibs: JUSTIN BARISICH)

1. Caucasia-dores!

                                                              i.      Come together to celebrate white culture, food, and music

                                                            ii.      Look up to George Washington for being the first white president

11)  Chipotle vs. Qdoba vs. Baja Burrito vs. Rand Burrito (Dibs: AMIT SHINTRE)

1. Taste-test of all 4 full burritos to be completed in one sitting
2. And the winner is…

12)  Point / Counterpoint

1. Writers are angry at each other, and make fun of one another, but really agree on the actual issue(s) at hand
2. Yay for slander!

13)  Cover idea:

1. Brady Bunch-esque picture of minorities on campus

                                                              i.      Have 3 copies of the same Asian girl because we couldn’t find another one to have different pictures.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

NEW IDEAS (Compiled on 11-2-09)

1)      iPhone creativity (Dibs: CHARLOTTE)

1. camera-phone pic sent to other time zones in order to get a sober judgment of another person’s legit hotness
2. Updates on you’re the Pub orders

                                                              i.      “Sorry, your fries were ganked by a football player again.”

                                                            ii.      “Oh, just come back next week and try again.”

1. Phone numbers and contacts games

                                                              i.      Dialing wrong numbers (intentionally or unintentionally) and fucking with people

                                                            ii.      Receiving calls from people you don’t know and pretending to be what/who they’re for

1. 1.      “Yes, this is Domino’s…”

                                                          iii.      Taking your friend’s phone and renaming all of their contacts as Sesame Street characters.

1. GPS Assassins app on the iPhone

2)      Hustler Reporting Fail

1. Google Earth was invented in 2005
2. Hustler report on it in 2009 that a Vandy alumnus invented it.

                                                              i.      Where the fuck were you for the past 4 years?

3)      Zeppos = 7^th highest paid pres. of a university  (Dibs: STEVEN LEVAN)

1. What happened to budget cuts?
2. #1 is from some random-ass school.

4)      John Cabot University ad in the Hustler = ad for Vandy Lite!  (FAKE AD)

5)      The Slant is very disappointed by the lack of skanky costumes at Halloween this year.

6)      Vandy Escort Service Team (VEST) (Dibs: DAN KING)

1. Blue lights for a walking guide home get changed to Red Lights.
2. Hookers on demand à lines form around posts
3. On the card. Sign-up online to avoid the line!

7)      WGS / LGBTQII / Vandy Athletics is now all rolled into one department

(Dibs: ANDREW LIGON)

1. Maybe things will improve when viewed from the perspective of a lesbian, woman, former softball player, who just so happens to gradually rule the entire campus.

8)      “Bonzai” theory of improving the football team

1. “Break them to make them stronger.”

9)      Rock Band playoff with the game’s inventor.

1. He is the ultimate fake instrument nerd and single-handedly slays the entire Vandy LAN all-star team.

10)  The Slant as a Turducken (because we’re inside of Versus)

11)  HighDEAS.com

1. The place for “inspiration”

12)  Unexpected T.V. stars that were once military killers (Dibs: RUDY)

1. Drew Carey
2. Mr. Rogers
3. Ice-T
4. Montel

13)  Something about the Jay-Z concert

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

STILL UNUSED IDEAS

1)      Balloon Boy = real-life version of UP!

                                                              i.      Not sanctioned by Disney/Pixar

2)      “Coexist”

1. …in the name of free food
2. Compose a schedule of when and where to get free food

3)      Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?

4)      Retaliating against all bitch-ass RA’s

1. Booze probie can’t drink pains away anymore
2. Bitchiest RA ever
3. Is a puppy-punter
4. Is a baby rapist
5. …but not really

                                                              i.      Talk about the psychology of people only remembering headlines

5)      ATL à Most disappointed(-ing) majors

6)      New ASB Sites

1. Guiding Natty Light
2. ASB = “Average” Spring Break

7)      “Where the Wild Things Are”

1. Hipster list vs. Preppy List

8)      DA-DA Club?

9)      Centerspread Idea 1

1. Horrible movie adaptations of other children’s books

                                                              i.      “Sin City” overhaul of various Dr. Seuss stories

                                                            ii.      “Get the Fuck Down, Moon” instead of Goodnight, Moon

                                                          iii.      The Very Hungry (Bulimic) Caterpillar

10)  Football game re-cap from a non-footballin’ perspective

11)  Hobo’s, Now on the Card! / Hobo-Cash

12)  FML / Texts from Last Night generator formula

13)  “B.C.” = Before Commons (students)

1. a.      Story of how the administration just wants to get rid of all us B.C. students

14)  Interview with the guy who met last year’s Kissam Hobo in the bathroom

15)  Quizno’s Tom Update

1. “Subway Seizure” story

16)  Famous Alumni Interviews

1. Bill Gates
2. Al Gore
3. …

17)  Biological Warfare Against the Indians

1. Via blankets via swine flu
2. Swine Snuggies
3. Indian Retaliation

                                                              i.      Tea Embargos / Blockades

                                                            ii.      Question the Commodore’s actual maritime credentials

                                                          iii.      Lack of oranges = scurvy

18)  Pop Culture

1. Gentle(man) / Sir GaGa
2. “Dude looks like a lady GaGa”

19)  Swine Flu / H1N1

1. (ATL) à “How did the Swine Flu epidemic affect you?”
2. (Possible VTV idea) Disaster movie à 20 hours after exposure, Day 2, Day 3, etc.           

20)  The Sophomore Slump / Slums

1. Lobby in Vandy/Barnard??
2. (Top 10) Things the new Freshies can thank the Sophomores for…

21)  Stereotypical College Kid Posters

1. Examples: End of the War Kiss, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean, Belushi with College sweatshirt (replace his head with Zeppos’), The Joker, etc.
2.  (What do your posters say about you?)

22)  Sprinklers

1. New Sport – Sprinkler dodging/limbo
2. Feel like James Bond in a stealth movie or Mario dodging fireballs in Bowser’s Castle
3. Wet T-shirt Contest!

23)  Squirrels

1. Squirrel on every page doing a different pose
2. Chip and Dale, the adventuring chipmunks, make a guest appearance

24)  Cougar Column

1. Cougar hunting