9. You really don’t want to have to go through Atlanta.

8. Your parents don’t want you.

7. Your parents do want you, but you just happen to be from Nashville.

6. Still looking for your muse in Music City.

5. Lacking a few hours for your quadruple major.

4. No income tax, so you can finally start that home brewery.

3. Your home state is currently going bankrupt.

2. You really enjoy nicely paved interstates and orange barrels.

1. You were still drunk and missed your flight.

9. Next to the bacon in a frying pan.

8. Within a carton in the Kroger dairy section.

7. Inside Cadbury tin foil.

6. Within reach.

5. Inside Rocky’s glass.

4. Around a vegan’s house.

3. In a Grin’s cookie.

2. In China, because it’s a really big country.

1. Back inside the chicken.

9. The Luge

8. Holding Hands

7. Drinking (Otherwise, you’re just an alcoholic)

6. Playing Checkers

5. Tandem Bicycling

4. Talking (If you’re by yourself, you’re just a crazy.)

3. Getting Married

2. Assisted Suicide

1. Sex

9. Nope, that’s the wrong hole.

8. You know, I really thought Eliot Spitzer would have had more stamina.

7. I don’t really buy into this “one partner” ideal….

6. Awww, look at those kids! I think at least two of them are mine.

5. If we moved to Arkansas, this would be legal.

4. That’ll be about $3.50

3. Remember that time you stole me from the brothel? Oh Wait, that wasn’t you, was it?

2. My brother and I are really close. Really REALLY close.

1. Spending time with you has really just taken away from my happy time with my friend, Mr. Max Dildo

9. !!! (Pronounced as three clicks)

8. Window

7. Jesus Condom

6. Orangejello

5. ESPN (Pronounced: Espen)

4. NASCAR (Pronounced: Nes-Car)

3. awleouhfl (Pronounced: Jerry)

2. Michael

1. ZZZZ (First on our list, always last in life)

Top Ten things The Slant is thankful for:

10. Ahhh we finally get a break from class! It feels like we’ve been at it for almost four weeks in a row!

9. Jay Z concert is over: Finally get to stop hearing how awesome the Jay Z concert is going to be.

8. New episodes of Glee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

7. Fabiani Duarte. Dammit that man is outstanding

6. We love spending one day pretending the settlers and the pilgrims liked each other

5. I’m halfway done writing this list!

4. We finally figured out how to use OASIS! Good thing it won’t be obsolete any time soon…

3. People will stop giving you dirty looks for having Christmas decorations up

2. Girls that think “Trampy” is a compliment

1. Paternity test came back negative!! Have fun raising the kid, Linda!

9. Slept m0re than my goddamn roommate does.

8. Went to Duke and was disappointed to be the only one drunk on Wednesday night.

7. Boobjob.

6. Spent my days bitching about my roommate.  Spent my nights unable to sleep without him.

5. Harassed all my friends about beer pong etiquette.

4. Alternative Fall Break: Spent the whole break making life maps.

3. ANAL SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. I delivered a report to those people who pay my tuition.

1. I sneezed and then it was over.

9. Tag

8. 7 minutes in heaven

7. Let’s shove our hands into buckets of used syringes

6. Thumb wars

5. Loogie wars

4. Close-range karaoke duets

3. Pork rodeo

2. “Let’s rub eyes”

1. Flu chicken: Last one to get H1N1 is a pussy!