TFLVP: 4/21/10

April 21, 2010 By

(615): I’ll be keeping my penis, thank you very much!

(865): I love campus right now. All the kids I never wanna see again are gone!

(214): It’s good to catch freshmen, because they don’t have any-
(228): STDs?

(337): Ok, so, it’s Sunday morning, and we’re hungover at Pigeon Forge. We still have two cases of beer left, though, so we should just keep drinking, drive back to campus, and show up singing Ke$ha. Tik Tok, Don’t Stop!

(518): How was he last night? Did he pass out?
(567): He downed four shots and then almost made it back to his cot.

(678): I hate sprinklers. Passionately.

(404): You’re so very witty. Does it keep you company while you sleep? Your wit?

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TFLVP: 4/7/10

April 7, 2010 By

(615): I don’t know who that guy is in that bed. I don’t trust him, but I trust you.
(717): Dude, that’s your roommate.

(502): My words sound perfect when I think them in my head. It’s the coming out that’s the hard part.

(602): You put enough estrogen in those babies, and they will lactate.

(843): I woke up surrounded by 30 solo cups and 48 cans of Natty Ice.

(865): Laundry is easy. Two washers. Two dryers. Every two months.

(225): Happy Jesus-respawning day…which we now celebrate with egg-laying rabbits?
(504): I guess zombie-saviors are better than savior-zombies.

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TFLVP: 3/24/10

March 24, 2010 By

(615): Where are the bitches, because I got some condoms I need to use tonight.

(813): It’s 10:40 AM, and I leave tomorrow. So, I’m going to start drinking now.

(954): No turkey unless it’s a club sandwich.

(847): I thought the Boston Tea Party was a store famous for its teas dating back to the American Revolution.

(865): Most of the texts in The Slant are 615 or 865… That’s how you know that it’s us.

(813): I haven’t had a beer hangover since school started. It’s been a very liquorly year.

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TFLVP: 3/3/10

March 3, 2010 By

(865): You’re just upset that your dick doesn’t function.
(615): There’s nothing wrong with my dick!

(717): I don’t like people who don’t like it when I say the word ‘nigga.’

(713): If she doesn’t have a penis, I’m not interested.

(615): I just wanted to play with her breasts!
(813): What, did you say, ‘excuse me, can they come out and play?,’ or did you take them to a sandbox with a bucket and a shovel?

(615): Hey, you were drunk last night and mumbled to me that you jizzed in your pants.
(312): Shut up! She had her hands down my pants. That’s not the same.

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TFLVP: 2/10/10

February 10, 2010 By

(863): We built a snow penis over on Highland. It was good enough so that when you saw it, you knew it was a penis, but it wasn’t like “OMG EPIC!”
(713): Yeah, it was a bit small and lumpy.
(863): Lumpy??
(713): Weren’t you the one who felt it up?

(615): Oh, we were just talking about sex robots the other day.
(713): Yeah! They just came out with a new one. It has a personality now and everything.

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TFLVP: 1/27/10

January 27, 2010 By

(615): If we’re going to be gay, we’re going to be gay together. All of us!

(480): I need to go fratting now. I’m drunk, and in a few minutes, I’m going to be pretty.

(314): I used to hate Lady GaGa… Not anymore, though.
(865): What, did you grow up and finally decide to become a real boy?

(615): My math teacher’s the man! I’d jack off to his quizzes if I could.

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TFLVP: 12/9/09

December 9, 2009 By

(480): I will be the big spoon, goddamnit, now roll over!

(615): This new sensitive body wash is too soft. It feels like I’m bathing in milk. OHHHHHH!!! It does feel good on my balls, though

(690): I watch the face, then the boobs, then the ass. Not necessarily in that order.
(420): Actually, probably in the exact opposite order.

(569): So does your grandma rage as hard as your mom?

(615): So we’re not going to the Super Blow?

(813): You need to live with my mom for a week so you can start eating better.
(615): What, so I can stop eating meat?
(813): No, my mom eats meat all the time!

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TFLVP: 11/18/09

November 18, 2009 By

(615): I can’t see that girl’s ass. Let’s get closer

(690): Jack Frost wrote really cool poems! I’m an English major!

(813): Blast her with semen Jk. No, really, hogtie her.

(615): I just need someone to sleep with tonight. will you sleep with me?
(865): Nah, man, i gotta play warcraft.

(865): Is this a potato or an apple? It tastes like urine!

(813): Even jesus was like “water? fuck this: alcohol!”

(856): I was sober on a Friday night once… It was weird.

(690): Did you know that our campus existed before noon on a Saturday? I didn’t.

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TFLVP: 10/28/09

October 28, 2009 By

(615): It’s only resisting arrest if you eventually get arrested right?

(678): Dammit, call the doctor, I already feel the chlamydia coming on.

(865): Hahahahaha i hope u wake up because of this pointless text

(314): WTF?, why did i just get cockblocked?

(727): Hey did you know that “Transvestites” aren’t the same as “Transformers?”

(419): I am so high. I am also now so confused. I is strokes keys of phone. Smooooooth.

(707): I’m sitting three to a seat with two freshmen boys on the reverse vandy van. Sophomore year sucks.

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TFLVP: 9/30/09

September 30, 2009 By

615): Remind me not to get drunk and pass out when people have Sharpies.

(678): You did that to yourself, just so you know.

(630):I just woke up with your keys and card. What’d I do last night?
(702):Who is this?

(690): I passed on that girl like Larry Smith.

(339): Dude I just found the best frat they take care of you and give you a ride and everything they’re called VUPD or something.

(330): Just broke my iPhone’s breathalyzer. Help?

(727): Please tell everyone I sincerely apologize for my drunk nature.

(504): We went back to his dorm, and he wanted me to call him dungeon master. I left.

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