TFLVP (9-3-11)

September 3, 2011 By

(414): You have to remember that I am now a ladies man. I have spent countless hours purposefully making myself worthy of dating, fixing personality flaws, etc. There are several women on campus interests in me right now.
(504): Lolz, all the ladies love them some typo-ists!
(414): *Grammar

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(504): You fell asleep like a little girl.

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(440): It’s sexy when you pick up on subtext like that.

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(901): You’s a dickface. Pronounced “dick-fuh-say.” It’s French.

Filed Under: Articles, Texts

TFLVP: 4/1/11

March 30, 2011 By

(813): It’s the only way he can connect with someone. It’s like Avatar. He has to stick his dick in something.

(330): I told my sister I’m going indoor skydiving, and she said, “That must be the largest building in the world.”

(615): How does it feel to get fucked in the ass?
(949): That was the best night of my life
(615): What? When you got fucked in the ass?
(949): No, when you just started screaming that at me.

(631): I wouldn’t want to go to a single-sex school, but I could see myself going to an all-guys school.
(407): That’s how you know you’re a whore!

(508): Shall I whip out my dick and distract them?

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TFLVP: 3/2/2011

March 2, 2011 By

(615): Don’t talk to me about faggotry while I’m drinking my soy milk.

(631): We’d be the perfect fuck buddies, because he doesn’t have feelings for that stuff and neither do I.

(615): What kind of world do we live in where a man has to wipe his own ass?

(777): Did he have a nice dick?
(888): Eh, it probably has a fat roll over it…

(917): Jesus, I’m so horny for this issue of The Slant.

(666): I’m putting my leg on your knee because I find you sexually awesome.

(999): I use this pocket for sex… and by sex, I mean I keep my lube in there.

(7188): But what if I am Yogi Bear? How would YOU know?

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TFLVP: 2/9/2011

February 9, 2011 By

(813): Let’s be real, if you didn’t live with us, you’d just sit in your room and never leave.
(615): That just makes me think if I’m ever in prison, I’m gonna kill someone so I’ll be put in solitary confinement, because it won’t affect me like everyone else.

(631): It doesn’t matter! He’s still a rapist!
(407): Not a rapist; sexual opportunist.

(615): Oh, man, something smells delicious.
(813): That’s cigarettes.

(585): XXXO!
(423): I forget whether x is kisses or hugs but I accept them nonetheless

(407): I can’t sleep at night when there are people on the internet that need to die,

(615): This room smells weird…
(813): It smells like someone hasn’t left it.

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TFLVP: 1/27/11

January 28, 2011 By

(908): Is it weird that watching you program is getting me off right now?

(865): There’s this girl that has this condition where she sleeps ten days at a time, and she’s hot.
(813): Well, it’d be ok if she let you do things to her while she’s asleep.
(865): Wow, dude.
(813): What? You gotta get your rocks off somehow.

(407): If I renamed my zipper “fro-yo shop,” bitches would be all up on my dick.

(813): In my lab, we are working with silicon.
(615): You gonna make some boobies??
(813): That’s silicone.

(615): What are you doing tonight?
(820): Gonna jopo. Jerk off, pass out.

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TFLVP: 12/8/10

December 17, 2010 By

(615): You put cranberry juice in your Dr Pepper?
(407): It’s got 23 flavors. Why not make it 24?

(718): Nicki Minaj has ass implants?
(407): Hey, that means there’s still hope for you!

(615): This new Ke$ha song is so bad…
(813): Hey, I’d dance to it if I were blackout.

(865): When I go to catch a football, I pretend it’s like a girl’s tit. I’m all over it, and I’m sure as hell not gonna let that one get away from me.

(813): I don’t wanna do homework.
(615): Me neither…
(813): Let’s just do a bunch of cocaine!
(615): Yeah, man, we’ll get ALL the answers right!!!

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TFLVP: 11/17/10

November 17, 2010 By

(813): I can’t remember the last time I had a stomach ache that couldn’t be cured by taking a huge dump.

(404): Why do you keep your insulin and condoms in the same drawer?
(859): They are of equal importance.

(407): When I take a test, my brain is like diarrhea- it just comes out right away. I’m not gonna sit there and stew over it; I’m just gonnna drip what I know all over the page.

(888): That elevator’s going down – don’t get on it!
(999): We’re on the 14th floor…

(615): At this point I would welcome gonorrhea.

(817): …and I will put on my prissy pants whenever I want to!

(636): SPOTTED: Clay on a date at Café Coco!

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TFLVP: 10/27/10

October 27, 2010 By

(615): Do you ever wonder when you’re “tugging it” that you use up all the good sperm cells, and later in life when you want to have a kid it’ll be all deformed?

(949): I can’t wait to go to DC and see the exhibit about the history of American Indians.
(865): That sounds awful. I’d rather shoot myself with a bow and arrow.

(813): If you can slip two fingers down your waistband and gently caress your own balls, then the jeans are the right length.

(949): You can’t chew on dicks! That’s your teeth!

(690): Hey, here comes the keg! Oh no, it’s just a fat guy.

(615): You give me crap about Koreans eating dog, but the Flintstones ate dinosaur and they had one as a freaking pet!

(217): I took 11 hours that semester, had a 2.3 GPA, and my grant still went up!

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TFLVP: 10/6/10

October 6, 2010 By

(865): I went to Costco for the first time today, and that place is the dog’s balls.

(615): When it comes to girls, you gotta go slow.
(615): She wasn’t a girl; she was a stripper!

(690): Why are there so many normal looking people in this room? Is this an engineering class?
(420): Yeah – civil.

(615): If I were given a 100 percent chance of getting a blowjob, then I would walk all the way to UT Knoxville.

(615): I have a job for you: if over the next week it looks like I’m spending a relatively large amount of time interacting with any single girl, you are to promptly kick me in the balls.

(480): You need to learn how to punch a woman.

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TFLVP: 9/15/10

September 15, 2010 By

(615): It would have been a bad idea to hook up with her. Because she’s Asian, not because she wasn’t single.

(865): It’ll be a three course meal: calamari, natty light and his dick.

(615): I woke up this morning, scratched my balls, and they smelled like beer.

(615): You sell cocaine in kilos, not pounds.
(865): I’m new at this.

(785): I feel like Dumbledore after he drank all that shit to get the locket.

(615): My tummy hurts
(949): Why are you telling me this?
(615): You’re the mother figure here; You have a hoohoo.

(615): There’s too many dudes in this room. It brings out the gayness in me.

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