Dormoscopes

Towers: Lucky you! The person above you who blasts their music until 4 a.m. won’t the one night you actually need a decent night’s sleep. During finals week, however…
Chaffin: You’ll find five bucks. Score!
Mayfields: After you move back home, you’ll have trouble falling asleep WITHOUT the sounds of construction blasts.
Vandy-Barnard: Luckily, you won’t have to [...]

Abused Dorm Furniture Rebels Against Owners

Shocking news out of Residential Education today as a new report indicates that students have been attacked by abused furniture at an alarming 420% increase over the recent weeks. A crack news team assembled of The Slant, News Channel 5 and Cletus the Crack Addict discovered that a student, whose name shall remain anonymous, was [...]

Slant Reporter Goes Abroad to Strange, Unforgiving Land

Here at the Slant we have high standards of excellence.  Our articles are always proofread at least once.  We don’t associate with the Hustler staff.  We have our own dust-jacket (in the form of Versus).  Our writers are have been called “beneficent martyrs for truth and journalistic integrity”.  This is why I was not surprised [...]

iPad Appeals to Giant Demographic

In a move Saturday heralded as an extraordinarily-large step forward for Big People across the globe, Apple Computers released their Giant iPhone.
“Finally!” said troll Craig McKraath. “With these giant hands and that tiny screen, how was I supposed to twitter while finding that hot sushi joint? Impossible! I still can’t use most of those apps [...]

Mitt Romney’s New Book “No Apologies” Sends Bad Message To America’s Youth

Mitt Romney, the former Governor of Massachusetts and current most famous Mormon in the world has gotten some heat over his new book’s controversial message regarding apologies.
Despite debuting at the top of the New York Time’s Best Seller list, many parents groups have spoken out against No Apologies, which they say will undo centuries of [...]

Everyone Surprised by Duke’s Win

This year’s NCAA tournament went out with a bang as cinderella story Duke University captured its very first NCAA title this decade. Those following the tournament were already thrilled to see the formerly unknown school reach the Final Four for the first time in well over 5 years. On Monday the Blue [...]

Flower-Print Dresses Get All the Stamens Erect

My fellow students, spring is upon us. Though not in the dog-humping-your-leg kind of upon us (well, not yet at least), the excessive amount of sniffles and throat-clearings ironically act as the cacophonous symphony for the natural introduction to the season of seduction.
As college students, we have the great opportunity to be surrounded by attractive [...]

Move-In Crew

By: Jojackson Igietseme
As part of the “Freshman Experience” Vanderbilt created the Move-In Crew, which helps incoming freshman move into their new rooms. Upon reaching The Commons, freshman and their parents are treated to upperclassman dressed in blue shirts and khakis, eerily reminiscent to Best Buy employees, taking their stuff and moving it up to their [...]

Future IMPACT: Next Year’s Speakers Announced

This most recent IMPACT Lecture Series had an excellent lineup. Every speaker contributed in their own unique way this year. John Stossel allowed all of Langford auditorium to bask in his mustache’s aura and Mitt Romney gave us an extra ten pounds of reading material. Ralph Nader even presented the audience with definitive proof that [...]

Nader Wipes the Floor with Stossel’s Prominent Mustache

Such a brilliant… thick… dreamy… fluffy… mustache… mmmmmmm…….. oh I just wanna rub my face all over it… mustacheeeee… |D

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