How to Win the Dorm Energy Competition: Save and Sabotage

Most people can agree that saving the Earth is important. We can all relate to the rallying cry of “going green.” Breast Cancer Awareness has taken over the color pink, Livestrong has laid claim to the color yellow, and Gay Pride, in a joke shamelessly stolen from comedian Demetri Martin, has appropriated the entire color [...]

Motorcade Madness

While the protest with the Vanderbilt Students for Nonviolence (VSN) raged outside the SLC, the real insanity started only after General Petraeus had left the stage. A group of us freedom fighters were walking back to Towers after making our voices heard when we were attacked!
It all happened so fast, but I remember that we [...]

Death By Chocolate!

¬Vanderbilt University, the 16th best University in the galaxy, has recently unveiled a touching and emotional piece of visual art in the venerable Rand Dining Hall that will most surely cause its students to stop, pause, and think during their daily trifles, as well as to question the great ontological issues of modern man. The [...]

Sports that Aren’t Olympic Sports, but Should be

During every Olympic season, there are always several questions about the interesting array of sports that come up. What exactly is skeleton? How exactly does one Curl? More importantly, if these seemingly random sports can be considered Olympic sports, why can’t we add a few more? Here are a few ideas for some more competitive [...]

Spring Break Survival Guide: Everything You Need to Get What You Want

Ah, Spring Break. Those wonderful words bring up images of the Bahamas, cruises, Destin, tanned ladies and lads, enough booze to leave frat parties in the dust, and parties—on beaches, in clubs, in bars (especially the one where you lose your fake), in hotel rooms—Spring Break is one big pre-summer, essentially. Since it’s only a [...]

So Far Gone is How I’ll be at Rites of Spring

The Rites of Spring line up has been announced: Ben Harper and the Relentless7, Melanie Fiona, Doug E. Fresh, Passion Pit, Cold War Kids, and Drake. Wait! Drake…as in Drake Bell from Drake and Josh or Francis Drake, the swashbuckling pirate of the seven seas. If you were thinking any of the above, you were [...]

Winter Olympics experience Seasonal Affective Disorder

A petition filed by a grassroots international coalition to move the Winter Olympics to a more favorable season, Spring, has been voted on and approved by the International Olympic Committee. Although general initial response was surprise and dismay, upon further consideration fans, athletes and television networks are excited.
“Honestly, it’s cold and boring here,” [...]

How to be a bad parent: An insider’s guide on how to make your kid a delinquent

Recently, I’ve seen a lot of books out there giving advice to adults on how to be a good parent and how to raise your kids to become good citizens.  I say screw all of that.  Who would you rather your son be – Screech Powers or Tupac Shakur?  Would you rather your son grow [...]

Winter Olympic Sports Finally Explained! Sort of….

The Olympics are widely celebrated throughout the world as a time for all the people of the world to come together, hold hands, and try to embarrass each other in competitive blood sports. As a good American citizen, I of course take pride in my country’s near literal rape of other countries in sports that [...]

Pop Songs Cause Panic

Across Vanderbilt, students have been experiencing very strange after-effects of heavy nights of drinking. Some experts believe that the symptoms are the result of extremely catchy pop tunes. There is not yet any concrete scientific research to support this theory, however, there is evidence to suggest that songs with particularly asinine lyrics are the most [...]

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