Former Debate Team Captain Really Interested in Greek Life

Colin Smithterson, a rising Vanderbilt class of 2014 student and former captain of Greengrass High School’s debate team, is announcing to the entire world his desire to discuss Greek life. The seventeen year old swears that he will discuss all of the issues and respect every other student’s respective viewpoints.
“I pledge to value everyone’s ideas [...]

Mushroom Kingdom Experiences Coin Hyperinflation

The worldwide economic recession has spared no country as reports out of the Mushroom Kingdom indicate a currency catastrophe spiraling out of control. The Kingdom is one of the last remaining nations in the world to have no issued bank notes. Its economy relies entirely on the world’s oldest monetary unit: the gold coin.
Economists have [...]

Melodores Embark on Grandiose Quest

Today, April 21, the Melodores are having their final concert of the year, “The Meloship of the Ring.” To prepare, members have decided to forgo shaving and wearing shoes up to and throughout the duration of the concert. Throughout the year, the group has had many issues on campus with other a cappella groups, and [...]

Students React to Rites Lineup

Everyone knows you need lube before going in through the back door.

A.J. Ogilvy Graduates to the Big Leagues of the NHL

This past Thursday Vanderbilt’s star center AJ Ogilvy announced that he would skip his final season in the NCAA in order to enter the NBA draft.  However an unfortunate clerical error has instead put the 6’ 11’’ Australian up for consideration in the NHL draft.
Ogilvy was reportedly angered by the error at first, but in [...]

Rites Done Right

Every year a two day festival occurs at Vanderbilt University. The Rites of Spring music festival gathers artists such as Passion Pit, Lil Jon, The Flaming Lips, and Wolfmother for two days of music to close out the semester. Students have an intricate selection process of suggesting bands to come perform on Alumni [...]

Counter Point: Breaking Bones

Eighth grade is supposed to be a year of boy bands, sparkly lip gloss, acne, and the dying love of that enigmatic concept called high school. For me, it was the majority of that (well, replace the boy bands with Green Day. What’d you expect?) but with one lovely curveball thrown in: breaking my face.
Yes, [...]

Point: Not Breaking Bones

Call me “average” if you wish, but if that means that I manage not to do extraordinarily stupid things to break myself, then I suppose I accept the derogatory nomenclature as fact.
As an “average” person, here is a sampling of the crazy things that I’ve done in my life, all of which I’ve executed without [...]

Washington Nationals Fail to Sign President Obama to Contract

As March 5th approached, many players from around the majors were looking ahead to opening day and the first game of a very long season (we’re going to label the New York/Boston game the night before as “ESPN Marketing Bullshit” rather than ‘The Season Opener”). The “Ace” pitchers were ready to take the mound for [...]

Tiger Woods Comes up Short at Augusta, in Bedroom

After 144 days away from the PGA tour to deal with “Pressing Family Issues” or what we call in the hood, a 3 iron to the grill, Eldrick “Tiger” Woods returned the golf course. The media was abuzz with excitement, and many predicted(including myself) that he would runaway with the tournament. Yet despite the roars [...]

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