I am glad the Olympics are over. Now, don’t get me wrong—I love the obnoxious yelling of “USA! USA! USA!” and spandex-covered (and toned) athletes, but my grades do not. The Olympics are one of the best things to happen every two years, and one of the worst.
With a full waste-time schedule already of YouTube videos, Onion articles and Grey’s Anatomy episodes, adding clips of Shawn White’s winning snowboarding run or montages of crashes during the downhill slalom, I just didn’t have time… to do my homework. I wish that I could say that I was behind in schoolwork for a noble reason—my fish died; The Slant came out this week (a go-to reason for any newspaper editor); I was soooo wasted Saturday night that I couldn’t resume real work until Thursday. Alas, I just watched a lot of Olympics (although that’s certainly not how I spent my Saturday night).
The Olympics are glorious. When on any other Wednesday afternoon if you turn on the television to NBC all you will see is… well, I don’t know. Besides The Office or 30 Rock, I don’t ever watch NBC. Regardless, it’s probably bad. But not during the Olympics. The Olympics are a fantastic two weeks of retired athletes re-living the glory days through un-insightful commentary, current athletes securing their glory days or their publicity deals, and fans dressing in obnoxious colorful versions of their national symbols.
What is better than Sweden’s national bird the Eurasian black bird (besides the bald eagle)? A fan dressed up in a Swedish blue and yellow version of the Eurasian black bird. And what is better than a paper analyzing the effects of corruption in Post-Soviet regions? Anything. You see my point?
Thankfully (although it is bittersweet), the Olympics are over. With no important sports events coming up soon (pshhh, what happens in March?), I can finally focus back on what really matters: More YouTube videos.
The Olympics are over!
Slant story ideas 03/03/03
Slant issue 03/03, Meetings Thursdays at 8 PM
Submit your writing(s) by the Sunday before production at 1pm
Production runs from:
Sunday from 5-10
Monday from 1-11pm
Tuesday from 5-8pm
For all: Sarratt 130
Features
Front Page (300 words) x 3
Big Stories= 500-800 wordsish
Short Stories= 375-500 wordsish
Top 10 list
Around the Loop (ATL)
Fucked Image
Bastard Confession
Center Spread
Throwaways (w/ pics)
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
New Ideass:
- Parodies of popular books/stories
- The Olympics
- Fake descriptions of what the sports are (DIBS: Andrew)
- i. i.e. curling requires a hot hair styling tool
- ii. Also, how they started: eg. 2-man lug
- Fake descriptions of what the sports are (DIBS: Andrew)
- What should be sports (DIBS: Ryan)
- Spring Olympics (DIBS: Caitlin)
- Story about Drake, possibly relating to Degrassi (DIBS: JoJackson)
- Rites
- Real interviews with the Rites lineup (perhaps smaller ones)
- We wanted O.A.R. and this is what you give us??
- Who we really should have for Rites
- Lost (DIBS: Zach)
- From the perspective of someone who has never watched the show.
- Meals get progressively smaller/worse each year
- Housing charts
- But written in Japanese with symbols etc which one cannot read
- Modest proposal on Spring break condom distribution packs (DIBS: Charlotte)
- ASB fake sites (DIBS: Jim)
10. BYX hazing
- Puns off “bucks”
- Hazing= making them read the Qur’an.
11. Better beer ads
- Shotgun-ready cans (perforated)
- Instead of super cold, luke warm so you can chug it better
12. Beer games
- Beer Olympic games
13. Greece Story
- Connecting Greece’s debt to Greek life in debt, the destruction of Greek life, Pike going broke
14. Valentine’s Day movie—famous people + holidays = blockbuster
- Independence day
- Christmas Story
- Ferris Buehler’s day off
- Groundhog’s day
- Etc.
15. March Madness—Vandy style (DIBS: Kyle Hope, but this will be collaborative)
- Branscomb Breakfast v. Branscomb double
- Hustler vs. Hustler store
- Diet Coke vs. Rand Wall
- Doesn’t have to make any sense
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
STILL UNUSED IDEAS
- 1.Fashion section
- Hobo fashion
- Fashion where everything is $1,000,0000’s
- Spoofing Versus
- “Party and Bullshit” (there is just so much Versus stuff to spoof)
- Soirées and this paper
- IMF money-loaning policies
- Post-raging pics
- Mardi Gras—point/counterpoint w/ Vandy vs. New Orleans
- NOLA version (DIBS: Justin)
- i. Show me your tits
- NOLA version (DIBS: Justin)
- Vandy Version
- i. Show me your Vandy card
- Rites of Spring lineup (DIBS: Meryem)
- Top 10 worst Baby names
- Window
- Jesus Condom
- Le-A
- Eurethra
- Randomly awesome (and deceptive) websites
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com i. Self-explanatory
www.HighDEAS.com i. The place for “inspiration”
www.redtube.com i. Sneaky porn site
www.LPSG.org i. Large Penis Support Group
http://www.studentology.net/tuesday/ i. Is it Tuesday?
http://iamawesome.com/ i. At least someone thinks so.
http://dicktowel.com/ i. Courtesy of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
more…)
7. Funny Calls to Action a. Submit the most ridiculous opinion articles ever to the Hustler to see which one gets printed
8. Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?
Pop Songs Cause Panic
Across Vanderbilt, students have been experiencing very strange after-effects of heavy nights of drinking. Some experts believe that the symptoms are the result of extremely catchy pop tunes. There is not yet any concrete scientific research to support this theory, however, there is evidence to suggest that songs with particularly asinine lyrics are the most potent.
For example, some students have been diagnosed with schizophrenia.
“I don’t know, I woke up this morning and I just felt like P-Diddy,” Freshman Susanna Gutenburg said.
Doctors found that many of these students also became romantically interested in significantly older men.
“I just… I don’t want you unless you look like Mick Jagger.” Gutenburg said.
Even professors have noticed something different about students.
“When I ask a question, and my students put their hands up, all of my butterflies fly away!” Biology and first name/last name confused professor Jim Patrick said.
Some students have even developed a stutter.
“In my Vanderbilt Visions group, when they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up I just couldn’t stop, I said: ‘Imma be Imma be Imma be Imma be Imma be’—it went on for a while like that,” Freshman Rachel Harritsman said.
Similarly, some students’ schizophrenia has taken the form of species-confusion.
“I don’t know why they keep telling me I’m human, Imma bee, Imma bee, Imma bee, Imma bee!!” Junior Kelly Youngstown said.
Other students have instead merely experienced lowered standards.
“You and me—I really think we could write a bad romance. Nothing Twilight level, but you know, pretty bad” Senior Wayne Tredmore said.
However, the worst symptoms seen thus far seem to be fits of rage towards inanimate objects. Tom Haywater, one affected student, was unable to talk due to his incarceration. His roommate was available to comment.
“It was crazy, I was asleep and then suddenly Tom was screaming ‘Kill the lights! Kill the lights!’ I couldn’t stop him—I don’t know if my lamp will ever be the same,” sophomore Bernard Birdshaw said.
Doctors are particularly concerned about the dramatic changes in Saturday night reactions.
“It’s not like the 70’s,” Doctor Julia Patrick said, “back then kids would just stay alive, they’d really just be staying alive.”
Editor Update
Everybody rags on Valentine’s Day as being a Hallmark-produced, candy-coated, pseudo-genuine holiday. I realize as Slant editor I should probably jump on this bandwagon, since The Slant historically casts out more zingers than Triumph the insult-comic dog. However, this time I am not. There are a lot stupider holidays out there.
On Easter, is the miracle we’re supposed to be celebrating that a bunny can lay chocolate eggs? Are we thankful in November that gluttony isn’t a sin for one day? Is Christmas a celebration of sales on children’s toys and the power and awe of electricity?
Other holidays have religious or historic context to back up their authenticity, but what does that really add? I think Valentine’s Day is awesome and not just because I can smugly say I’m in a relationship. Other holidays are closeted, but Valentine’s Day embraces what it is. It started commercialized and it continues commercialized. What is more American than picking a random date and making it somehow significant? Bubble Wrap Appreciation Day, Hug-an-Asian Day, Kick-a-Ginger Day—all legitimate fake holidays but not as epic. Like a louse compared to a llama, Valentine’s Day is ten times more badass than any other fake holiday.
Perhaps people don’t like Valentine’s Day because of the overload of pink? Nevertheless, this doesn’t fit the Vanderbilt scene, where the campus’s men assault us with pink on a daily basis.
However, the real question, is how can anyone not like a holiday that advocates gift giving? Although not as magical as a birthday where you are not expected to reciprocate gifts, Valentine’s Day still is a wonderful celebration of giving stuff. More important, it’s a day of giving GOOD stuff.
Chocolate is delicious. This is indisputable. Thus, a holiday that’s celebration involves dipping food in chocolate, giving chocolate to others and making chocolate into sappy shapes like hearts and roses is awesome in my book. Or more precisely, is awesome in my paper.
Story ideas for 02/10 (updated!)
Slant issue 02/10, Meetings Thursdays at 8 PM
This issue will have LLamapalooza in it! =)
Submit your writing(s) by Sunday at 1pm
Production runs from:
Sunday from 5-10
Monday from 1-11pm
Tuesday from 5-8pm
For all: Sarratt 130
Features
Front Page (300 words) x 3
Big Stories= 500-800 wordsish
Short Stories= 375-500 wordsish
Top 10 list
Around the Loop (ATL)
Fucked Image
Bastard Confession
Center Spread
Throwaways (w/ pics)
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
- IPad:
- Apple releases a yoga mat like no one has ever seen before!
- Facing copyright charges from Fujitsu who already have a product called iPad
- i. People already skeptical of the name exclaim: “WHY??”
- ii. Mad dash for copyrighting i-items
- Guys go to the store, buy iPads for their girlfriends
- J.D. Salinger is dead
- And yet Ozzy Ozborne someone how still alive
- Tesco grocery bans wearing P.J.’s in their stores. Perhaps they’ve been to people of Walmart?
- Pres. Of South Africa, Jacob Zuma, marries third wife. In other news, the site of the 2010 World Cup has just been moved to the Dark Ages.
- VSG Election
- Primary exit polls:
- i. 44% of student body voted
- ii. Senior class had highest turnout with 56%
- iii. It’s like the real elections!
- Top 10 worst Baby names
- 1. Window
- Vandy Basketball!
- Hustler opinion columns: “If we’re going down, Greek life is coming with us!”
- Fraternities becoming sororities
- Primary exit polls:
10. Vandy students who were rejected from Harvard enraged by lack of “Southern” weather
- Finally believe in global climate change
11. Vandy spoken word member takes sign language classes, performance becomes significantly less interesting
12. R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet”
- you gotta see it.
13. Fashion section
- Hobo fashion
- Fashion where everything is $1,000,0000’s
- Spoofing Versus
14. Shoe of the week (spoofing Versus)
- What you already own!
- i. Contentment
- Pure gold
15. “Party and Bullshit” (there is just so much Versus stuff to spoof)
- Soirées and this paper
- IMF money-loaning policies
- 7 Deadliest sins McGill party
- Post-raging pics
16. Non-drunk accidents anecdotes (DIBS: Claire S)
17. Mr. Jesus Bojangles, the snowman (DIBS: Clay)
18. Fucked image: Dino with a monocle, wearing a tux, with balloons tattoo (DIBS: Brendan)
19. Super bowl
- Bastard Confession: “Who Dat? I Dat.” – Peyton Manning
- Victory virginity for the Siants
- Manning= championship whore
20. Hardcore guys at the gym (DIBS: Justin)
21. V-Day (centerspread)
- How to write a break-up letter (DIBS: Charlotte)
- The Grinch decides to steal hearts (DIBS: Clay)
- Worst Candy hearts (DIBS: Kyle and Brendan)
- i. Morning after pills
- ii. Twilight hearts
- iii. Etc.
22. Mardi Gras—point/counterpoint w/ Vandy vs. New Orleans
- NOLA version (DIBS: Justin)
- i. Show me your tits
- Vandy Version
- i. Show me your Vandy card
23. Rites of Spring lineup (DIBS: Meryem)
24. Top 10 worst Baby names
- Window
- Jesus Condom
- Le-A
- Eurethra
25. Vandy-Girl Game (DIBS: Meryem)
- Point system
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
STILL UNUSED IDEAS
1. Randomly awesome (and deceptive) websites
http://www.menarebetterthanwomen.com i. Self-explanatory
www.HighDEAS.com i. The place for “inspiration”
www.redtube.com i. Sneaky porn site
www.LPSG.org i. Large Penis Support Group
http://www.studentology.net/tuesday/ i. Is it Tuesday?
http://iamawesome.com/ i. At least someone thinks so.
http://dicktowel.com/ i. Courtesy of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia
more…)
2. Funny Calls to Action a. Submit the most ridiculous opinion articles ever to the Hustler to see which one gets printed
3. Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?
Llamapalooza– you should give us money
¬ Llamas are wonderful animals. They provide meat, transportation, and their hair can be used to make rugs, garments, ropes and handicrafts. This versatility makes them invaluable animals and sources of income to many South American peoples. That is why The Slant is staging Llamapalooza. By letting you write shit in our paper for a minimal fee, we are going to raise money to buy a llama for a family in need through Heifer International. Heifer International is an international (hence the title) non-profit organization that buys animals and farm supplies for third-world families, providing these families with an inexhaustible source of income. Heifer Int. even often goes further, equipping families with education and a support system to establish their efforts.
Now, obviously you crave freedom of expression and want to write stuff in our paper, but you should also participate in Llamapalooza because llamas are BAMF. With the name ‘llama’ having two ‘L’s in succession, people have the tendency to think they are awkward animals and un-Vandylike. Not only will buying a llama help a third-world family, it is also totes Vandy.
First off, llamas are party animals. They have three stomachs. This means three times the digestive process and therefore three times the partying. They are also highly sociable animals and can pick up on simple tricks (totally potential beer pong champions).
Llamas are also trendy. They have naturally long, thick eyelashes and wear a variety of cute coats ranging from black to brown to red.
Lastly, their names allow for terrific puns. Case in point: don’t get upset, but baby llamas are called ‘crias.’ Furthermore, Female llamas are called ‘dams,’ and when I see one I can’t help but exclaim, “HOT dam!”
Lastly, all the coolest animals have crossbreeds. Lions were okay, tigers were okay, but without the liger, they would have never crossed into awesome. Have no fear; llamas have the cama, a cross between llamas and camels. Is a cama more useful than a camel or as well-natured as a llama? No, but its crossbreeding magic is still wondrous.
Unfortunately, at 250-400 pounds and only standing at 5’6” tall, llamas wouldn’t make very good Vandy girls, but at 300 pounds, I see one making a good football player. And God knows we need more of those.
So when you’re thinking about submitting something to be printed in our next issue as part of Llamapalooza, think about the llama. Think about how awesome they are, and then think about the family that a llama would legitimately help.
For more information about Heifer International, go to www.heifer.org.
Editor Musings
What is the easiest part of this paper to prepare beforehand? This column. What is the largest irony in this issue of The Slant? This was the last article to be finished. Alas, I have not practiced my preaching. These past few issues I have really struggled with what is supposed to go in this space. If I were to be like several of my predecessors, I would write about a random facet of my own life. If I were the editor of another Vanderbilt publication I would write about the content of my paper, turning my column into a redundancy. Unfortunately, as I am too sarcastic to reflect on my inner feelings and too exact to create a redundancy, I am left in a conundrum.
While writing these columns there is one particular phrase that repeats again and again in my mind: “This would be a lot easier if I didn’t have to be funny.” Think if I could just write without worrying about the entertainment value? It’d be like the history paper I have to turn in tomorrow by noon! Or perhaps, I could tell you all about fashion news, music reviews, and give you a list of the tracks I listened to while creating this. Or perhaps I could tell you the news of the day, write a shoddy opinion on why abortion should remain legal, or create a really pretty spread about sports that few people on campus would actually care about. However, I’m better than them, so I won’t.
Alas, like a monkey on a string, I am forced to perform. Except I chose this job, I have considerably less fur than a monkey, and there’s nothing actually physically holding me here. Wait… there’s nothing holding me here? There’s nothing holding me here!!!! …………
Story ideas for issue 4
Slant Meeting – Issue #4 Funny Story Ideas (Almost Thanksgiving Issue)
Reminders:
a. Issue comes out on 11-18-09.
b. Submit your writing(s) by Sunday at 6pm
c. Productions: Monday from 1-11pm and Tuesday from 5-8pm (Sarratt 135)
d. Features
i. Front page
ii. Big Stories = 500-800 words
iii. Short Stories = 375-ish words
iv. Top 10 list
v. Around the Loop (ATL)
vi. Interview(s)
vii. Fucked Image
viii. Bastard Confession
ix. Advice Column
x. Center Spread
xi. Throwaways
xii. Others…
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
NEW IDEAS (Compiled on 11-2-09)
1) iPhone creativity (Dibs: CHARLOTTE)
a. camera-phone pic sent to other time zones in order to get a sober judgment of another person’s legit hotness
b. Updates on you’re the Pub orders
i. “Sorry, your fries were ganked by a football player again.”
ii. “Oh, just come back next week and try again.”
c. Phone numbers and contacts games
i. Dialing wrong numbers (intentionally or unintentionally) and fucking with people
ii. Receiving calls from people you don’t know and pretending to be what/who they’re for
1. “Yes, this is Domino’s…”
iii. Taking your friend’s phone and renaming all of their contacts as Sesame Street characters.
d. GPS Assassins app on the iPhone
2) Hustler Reporting Fail
a. Google Earth was invented in 2005
b. Hustler report on it in 2009 that a Vandy alumnus invented it.
i. Where the fuck were you for the past 4 years?
3) Zeppos = 7th highest paid pres. of a university (Dibs, Steven Levan)
a. What happened to budget cuts?
b. #1 is from some random-ass school, which is ranked #42.
4) John Cabot University ad in the Hustler = ad for Vandy Lite! (FAKE AD)
5) The Slant is very disappointed by the lack of skanky costumes at Halloween this year.
6) Vandy Escort Service Team (VEST) (Dibs: DAN KING)
a. Blue lights for a walking guide home get changed to Red Lights.
b. Hookers on demand → lines form around posts
c. On the card. Sign-up online to avoid the line!
7) WGS / LGBTQII / Vandy Athletics is now all rolled into one department
(Dibs: ANDREW LIGON)
a. Maybe things will improve when viewed from the perspective of a lesbian, woman, former softball player, who just so happens to gradually rule the entire campus.
“Bonzai” theory of improving the football team
a. “Break them to make them stronger.”
9) Rock Band playoff with the game’s inventor.
a. He is the ultimate fake instrument nerd and single-handedly slays the entire Vandy LAN all-star team.
10) The Slant as a Turducken (because we’re inside of Versus) other Thanksgiving ideas?
11) HighDEAS.com
a. The place for “inspiration”
12) Unexpected T.V. stars that were once military killers (Dibs: RUDY)
a. Drew Carey
b. Mr. Rogers
c. Ice-T
d. Montel
13) Something about the Jay-Z concert
14) i-Berlin Wall 2.0
a. “Shake well, separation is natural.”
b. Of Commons and Communists
c. Hunger Strike / Extreme Buffet eating contests as acts of protest
d. “Care” packages
%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%
STILL UNUSED IDEAS
1) Balloon Boy = real-life version of UP!
i. Not sanctioned by Disney/Pixar
2) “Coexist”
a. …in the name of free food
b. Compose a schedule of when and where to get free food
3) Divinity school publishes their own humor magazine?
4) Retaliating against all bitch-ass RA’s
a. Booze probie can’t drink pains away anymore
b. Bitchiest RA ever
c. Is a puppy-punter
d. Is a baby rapist
e. …but not really
i. Talk about the psychology of people only remembering headlines
5) ATL → Most disappointed(-ing) majors
6) New ASB Sites
f. Guiding Natty Light
g. ASB = “Average” Spring Break
7) “Where the Wild Things Are”
a. Hipster list vs. Preppy List
DA-DA Club?
9) Centerspread Idea 1
b. Horrible movie adaptations of other children’s books
i. “Sin City” overhaul of various Dr. Seuss stories
ii. “Get the Fuck Down, Moon” instead of Goodnight, Moon
iii. The Very Hungry (Bulimic) Caterpillar
10) Football game re-cap from a non-footballin’ perspective
11) Hobo’s, Now on the Card! / Hobo-Cash
12) FML / Texts from Last Night generator formula
13) “B.C.” = Before Commons (students)
a. Story of how the administration just wants to get rid of all us B.C. students
14) Interview with the guy who met last year’s Kissam Hobo in the bathroom
15) Quizno’s Tom Update
a. “Subway Seizure” story
16) Music Group
a. Better Prep for next year’s artist line-up
17) Famous Alumni Interviews
a. Bill Gates
b. Al Gore
c. …
18) Biological Warfare Against the Indians
a. Via blankets via swine flu
b. Swine Snuggies
c. Indian Retaliation
i. Tea Embargos / Blockades
ii. Question the Commodore’s actual maritime credentials
iii. Lack of oranges = scurvy
19) Pop Culture
a. Gentle(man) / Sir GaGa
b. “Dude looks like a lady GaGa”
20) Swine Flu / H1N1
a. (ATL) → “How did the Swine Flu epidemic affect you?”
b. (Possible VTV idea) Disaster movie → 20 hours after exposure, Day 2, Day 3, etc.
21) The Sophomore Slump / Slums
a. Lobby in Vandy/Barnard??
b. (Top 10) Things the new Freshies can thank the Sophomores for…
22) Stereotypical College Kid Posters
a. Examples: End of the War Kiss, Audrey Hepburn, James Dean, Belushi with College sweatshirt (replace his head with Zeppos’), The Joker, etc.
b. (What do your posters say about you?)
23) Sprinklers
a. New Sport – Sprinkler dodging/limbo
b. Feel like James Bond in a stealth movie or Mario dodging fireballs in Bowser’s Castle
c. Wet T-shirt Contest!
24) Squirrels
a. Squirrel on every page doing a different pose
b. Chip and Dale, the adventuring chipmunks make a guest appearance
25) Cougar Column
a. Cougar hunting
Haunted rambling
There is a dorm located in the perfect center of campus, with its own sand volleyball court, shady trees, cozy single rooms and dining center—which no one knows about. This dorm is McTyeire, home to foreign exchange students, squirrels without tails (truth), a confused hoard of Spanish immigrants and me, a Russian and European studies major with a love for only having to walk downstairs to get breakfast. Now I know what you’re thinking: “Sign me up for next year! I love convenient food and freaky looking squirrels!” But be warned, like a padded bra, not everything is as it first seems. So far this year my air conditioning, heating, showers, and Internet have all broken, for weeks at a time. Even a metal toilet paper holder in McTyeire has fallen off its wall and wounded my foot (there is a scar, people).
Our center spread (pgs 4-5) this issue is Halloween themed and has a special section on haunted places around campus to avoid. However, the most haunted building on campus was not actually included, as you may have already concluded, this building is McTyeire. Many occupants of McTyeire take on pseudonyms to avoid the ghost (I for instance also go by Masha, маша if you will), however, nothing seems to deter his dastardly work. The work of the ghoul of McTyeire is fiendish and diabolical, but mostly it is inconvenient.
So far this year I have been having a difficult time thinking of what to fill this space with. Conveniently, the last two issues I could fudge creativity by talking about our publishing changes or plugging our new website (<shameless> www.theslant.net!! <shameless/> ). Convenience has driven me to writing about obvious topics for this column like convenience has driven you to buying your toothpaste for twice what its worth from the munchie mart. However, now in a remarkable twist of fate, inconvenience has inspired me.
Haunted places around Vandy
Your old room in the commons is haunted by the ghost of your virginity. It’s still there and freaking out all of the new freshies.
Confederate Memorial House. ‘nough said.
Library lawn is haunted by the ghost of Harold Stirling Vanderbilt. The ghost hasn’t moved in a few decades, and some have begun to think it is simply an old statue, but that’s exactly what he wants you to think.
The library is haunted by the ghost of happiness, youth and joy. If you listen closely, you can still hear the grad students lamenting the loss.
Coincidentally, the ghost of Cornelius Vanderbilt, great grandfather of Harold Stirling, resides between Kissam and Kirkland, frozen forever after getting plastered one night.
The Kissam dorms themselves are haunted by the monster under the bed. Or wait, maybe that white apparition is actually just mold.
Other easily spotted ghosts include the ghost of Fred, the miniature man who can often be spotted atop the stairs by Stevenson. After one student excitedly brought a Medusa head to class, he’s been writhing in pain there ever since.
Stevenson center is haunted by the ghosts of a thousand students who got lost trying to figure out that rubick’s cube of a building. They are now doomed to forever roam the halls at night, asking everyone they see, “Hey do you know where room 2312 is?”
Your walk home from the party is haunted by a ghost which is always right behind you, but ducks behind a bush whenever you turn around. (And you thought you were just paranoid!)
Frat row is haunted by a ghost that makes all who wander there forget things. Things like tests looming on the horizon, papers that need to get written, and the concept of human dignity.
Each house in the commons is haunted by its own “House Ghost,” further cementing the idea that the entire commons system is ripped off from Harry Potter.
Furman: the German and Slavic Languages department is here. That’s scary enough.
Olin is not just where engineers go to die, it’s actually where they have died. Beware the fourth floor.
When asked “Who you gonna call?” Chancellor Nick Zeppos enthusiastically responded “Ghostbusters!!” but on further reflection retracted this statement and instead decided to contact the proper local authorities.
When asked “Who you gonna call?” Dean of the Commons Frank Wcislo responded “the police if you don’t get out of my house.” Because of this, the third floor of the Commons Center remains haunted and unoccupied.
That creepy inflatable mascot we have at football games is actually the ghost of the real Mr. C.
