Haikus

Versus is no more.
The Slant recovers Haikus.
Sorry guys. Good luck.

Vandy loves football.
Football does not love Vandy.
Low scores? We’re still smart.

Time to go to class?
Pick up The Slant on your way.
Learn something legit.

Yay, it’s a new year!
Classes starting, it’s Fall time!
Fuck going to class.

Sports that Aren’t Olympic Sports, but Should be

During every Olympic season, there are always several questions about the interesting array of sports that come up. What exactly is skeleton? How exactly does one Curl? More importantly, if these seemingly random sports can be considered Olympic sports, why can’t we add a few more? Here are a few ideas for some more competitive games to compete in:

Quidditch

Quidditch has made its way onto many college campuses, and into many of our hearts, so why shouldn’t it be an Olympic sport? Of course, the United Kingdom would kick ass, given that they have Harry Potter and friends on their team…but we should give the world a chance to play this epically amazing sport. Flying sticks, flying balls—it’s basically men’s wrestling anyway, so let’s just add it!

WWE Wrestling

Ok, so we’ve already got wrestling—but let’s be honest, it’s a little too realistic. Wrestling isn’t much fun to watch without screaming, skin-tight costumes, and a dramatic touch of complete fakeness (yes, wrestling is fake…sorry if that was a spoiler). WWE-style wrestling would be entertaining, athletic (sort of), and an overall great contribution to the Olympic games.

Beer Shotgunning

So, this has technically never been deemed a sport, and the Olympic Committee probably wouldn’t approve it, considering all kinds of ethical rules. But, think about it: it takes stamina, speed, strength, and an overall competitive attitude. When you consider all of the college students spending their time shotgunning beers in their ten-by-ten dorm rooms, it makes you wonder why they’re not out their showing off their talents.

Interpretive Dance

Most people love watching the ice dancing competition, which is, of course, a classic. But where’s the interpretive element? It’s important to know what people are actually thinking throughout the music, on and off the ice. There are many types of dance, but everyone seems to forget about interpretive, so let’s bring it to the Olympics, Summer AND Winter.

Farmville

Alright…realistically, this will never be an Olympic game. But, it’s competitive, it awards points for successes, it’s ridiculously popular for no apparent reason, and it’s accessible to all countries. So, in theory, it’s the perfect addition to the Summer games. If you think about it, it’s basically like curling: everyone likes it, but no one knows why.

So, by the time 2012 rolls around (or, maybe more realistically, 2036 by the time they take our suggestions), hopefully someone will add these spectacular and popular games and sports to the Olympics. Why not, right?

Reminder Poems for Freshmen

Hey, Lindsay and I came up with three poems, feel free to add more….

In the spirit of the Commons’ reminder poem to first year students about signing up for classes, we thought we’d contribute a few of our own:

Freshmen, Freshmen, don’t forget,
Even when you think your set
For Thanksgiving Break,
For goodness’ sake,
Hide your booze,
You snooze, you lose.

Hear ye, hear ye,
The night ‘tis dark and dreary.
Bitches, find a Vandy Van,
You might have to wait,
In your drunken state,
Or find some dude and spend the night in Kissam.

It is almost December,
So make sure you remember,
To button your coat all the way.
No matter the degrees,
Even if you freeze,
You still have class EVERY DAY.

[by the way, the original goes:

Remember, remember,
This coming November,
Course registration soon starts.
For one-hour courses,
The Commons endorses,
Try Commons seminars]

–Ryan Carr and Lindsay Kramer