Cameron Sparks Controversy with Box Office Smash

By Joe Souter

James Cameron, a screen writer renowned not only for his fascinating scripts but also for the movements which they represent, has caused tumult across America with his latest movie, Avatar. Cameron is remembered from the 1997 as sending shockwaves throughout the world when his screenplay ‘Titanic’ prophesied the outcome of the 2009 Vanderbilt football season, a nightmare come true for even the most hopeful Commodore fans. Now, Cameron’s latest hit has come under fire by several blue activist groups who say that their portrayal as a backwards and tribal people has only gone to further stereotypes which have held them back for centuries.

The first to feel the backlash from Avatar were members of the Democratic party. Al Gore gave a press conference earlier this month, noting Cameron’s attempt to portray all of the ‘Blue States’ as tree pluggers who wear loin cloths as playing into typical democratic stereotypes that tend to drive people away from the party. He also felt the need to explain that, should the health care bill be passed, the American public will not be fully at the mercy of lying underneath glowing trees and chanting in circles; though he doesn’t deny that these measures have helped in the fight against global warming. Gore was noticeably silent when questioned about the internet’s origins spawning from the unobtanium black market.

Amongst the others to join Gore in the fight were fans of Michigan, Kentucky and Duke, all of whom came out earlier this week to show their distaste with the smurfs on steroids stereotype. “Look, I just come out and cheer for big blue every game,” said Mike Jones, “that doesn’t mean that I wake up in the morning, ride my big red pterodactyl through the woods looking for white people to kill.” However, not everyone felt that the stereotype was a negative one. One Kentucky fan, who later refused to be named, claimed the movie was in some aspects an accurate portrayal of blue culture, “I really think Cameron hit the nail on the head when he showed how much the Na ‘vi disliked marriage outside of one’s own tribe. We been tellin’ the rest of America that for years.”

Papa Smurf was not nearly as optimistic about the movie’s take on his culture. Apparently he and Cameron spent the last several years trying to find a way to add a 2^nd dimension to smurfs, let alone a 3^rd. “I just feel betrayed by Mr. Cameron’s actions”, said Papa, “how are we supposed to accurately avoid Gargamel in the magical forest if we can only run left or right?” Several smurfs have even gone so far as to say that Cameron is, in fact, Gargamel; they believe the smurfs which he stole were converted to three dimensions, then placed into his movie. Sadly, Papa Smurf doesn’t see how he can ever garner support for his cause, since no one is interested in one-dimensional figures frolicking in the mushrooms when they can have 3d versions engaged in all out warfare.

The Blue Man group also expressed concern about expectations placed upon their future productions. Cameron’s budget, far superior to that of the performing arts group, has allowed him to maximize the entertainment value of blue people. Apparently since Avatar was released, fans at BMG’s shows have been seen putting on and taking off their Avatar 3d glasses, trying to figure out why the show didn’t make sense from either dimension. “Apparently being blue just isn’t enough to merit people paying 60$ for two hours of beating on drums and playing with puppets anymore”, commented BMG’s manager, Indigo Baldman. Seeing their industry as ruined, the Blue Men say that they considered a change of pace, looking into licensing for the “White Man Group”, though plans were scrapped when fans started showing up outside the studio wearing hoods and burning crosses.

More recently, a spokesman for the American Society of the Clinically Depressed came out saying that Cameron’s blockbuster has done great things for its members. Apparently seeing blue people triumph over perfectly happy ones has given depressed people a shot of confidence unseen since the invention of Prozac. “Cameron has shown that the real problem isn’t the blue people of the world, but rather those who are happy. If only we could load them onto ships and off of our planet, our forlorn society could proceed without interruption.” When asked if he had actually seen the movie, the spokesman added that he hasn’t been to the movies since he came dangerously close to laughing while seeing the Hangover, but that he had read the plot summary on Sicklypedia.

In other news, Dennis Rodman felt the need to come out and clarify once again that he is not an alien.