We have all heard of Yale’s Skull and Bones secret society, but not many people have heard of Vanderbilt’s own secret society, the Legion of Gentlemen. The Vanderbilt Slant had me, its very own private investigator Alnever Tell, do an investigation to find out more.

Initially the society was not a secret at all, until an unrelated movie flop by the title The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen forced them underground. From this point on it was the goal of the members to leave a discrete mark on Vanderbilt to retain their everlasting presence. For example there is a recurring theme of “five” throughout the Vanderbilt community. Have you ever wondered why we have five breaks from school: fall, thanksgiving, winter, spring, and summer? Or why there are only five different kinds of fruit at Rand brunch? Or where calls to the (555) area code go? Yeah, that’s right, The Legion of Gentlemen is behind it all. Now the question is how does one actually become a member, and what makes a member?

Requirements include a minimum height of six foot and one-half inch, and a minimum weight of 145 pounds 6 oz, because it is the belief of the societies founders that you need to be able to hold your own in the event you have to fight a vagrant in the streets of Nashville to defend your woman’s honor, because after all they are gentlemen, and a gentlemen always defends his woman. Initiation into the society varies greatly from that of other secret societies throughout the country. After being selected by a secret tribunal, potential members are summoned to a ceremony takes place in an undisclosed location. From what I was able to uncover the ceremony most closely resembled a Festivus celebration. The ceremony includes a dinner, with an airing of grievances against Vanderbilt and the society at large, and feats of strength where potential gentlemen must wrestle one another for entrance into the society.

Luckily I was able to uncover the identities of a surprising number of its members who much to my surprise include a large number of people of a certain celebrity status. The members include: Chancellor Zeppos, the Commodore, Its Always Sunny in Philadelphia’s very own Green Man, Tom Hanks, Jesus, and the cast of The Goonies, just to name a few.

So ladies and gentlemen of the Vanderbilt community if you’ve ever wondered who controls the British crown, or who keeps the metric system down, The Legion of Gentlemen does. If you’ve ever laid awake at night wondering who keeps Atlantis off the maps, or who keeps the Martians under wraps, The Legion of Gentlemen does. Remember Vanderbilt if you want to become a member of the Legion of Gentlemen all you have to do is keep clucking that chicken.

One freshman girl was quoted saying that, “the Commons is one step closer to becoming a resort, all we need is a spa!”

A super-senior was reported saying, “Great! One more thing that freshman will get to use that I won’t!”

While the student body seems to be split on the recent decision, it is clear bowling is going to come back with a vengeance around Vandy. Chancellor Zeppos declined to be interviewed, however, one can only imagine the thought process behind such a monumental decision. It may be due to the fact that the Vanderbilt women’s bowling team won a national championship only 2 years ago, or the fact that the state of the Nashville’s bowling scene is in serious decline. Many of Nashville’s more prominent bowlers think that this may be the shot in the arm that the city needs to regain its once prominent status as a bowling mecca.

Like beer pong, frat parties, pre-gaming, tailing gating, and winning at football, bowling is surely soon to be a Vandy tradition.