Huntsman Trys to Energize Campaign by Acting Like Lady Gaga

“The key problem with my campaign was that I didn’t appear completely crazy,” said Republican Presidential candidate Jon Huntsman at a press conference yesterday. The former governor of Utah and ambassador to China rode a pink unicorn on stage and had painted his face in a sickly combination of black and white to resemble a zombie.
“Newt, Perry, Bachmann – they all seem poised to demolish civilization as we know it and send the world into a never-ending nuclear holocaust with their awe-inspiring levels of stupidity and insanity,” said Huntsman. “That’s why they were so far ahead of me in the polls.”
Reports surfaced earlier this week that Huntsman had embarked on a new campaign strategy in an effort to boost his popularity. Huntsman has been trailing throughout the campaign season, with support rarely higher than 1% among Republican voters.
“I’ve settled on a new slogan for my campaign: I was born this way,” continued Huntsman. “And when I say that, I mean that I was born a straight Christian, of course.”
“Here I was with positions that actually sounded halfway reasonable. For God’s sake, I actually said that I believed the entire scientific community about global warming. So I scratched my head,” said Huntsman, who scratched his head to reveal that it had been shaved and painted to resemble an exposed brain, “and I thought, why am I losing so badly? Then I realized the problem – I appeared remotely sane. So I dropped all the substance from my campaign and turned to Lady Gaga.”
At this point, Huntsman threw open his tuxedo, revealing a red leather nun outfit underneath. Donning a white cornette, Huntsman performed an elaborate dance across the stage, using the podium as a pole and repeating “Rah rah ah-ah-ah/Gaga oh-la-la!”
The response was mixed. “I’m still supporting Gingrich,” said one Republican voter. “It all seems like a stunt. I don’t buy that Huntsman is actually this crazy. Newt, on the other hand – he’s genuinely an opportunistic, egotistic, sociopathic moron.”
“Dancing zombie nun or not,” said another voter, “I’m still for Rick Perry. Of course his ideas are ludicrous, but I can hardly believe that he’s even sober half the time he’s talking.”
“I’m still voting for us,” said Rick Perry.
But Huntsman’s poll numbers have risen dramatically. “Just remember, don’t be a drag – just be a queen,” said Huntsman at the end of the conference. “Honestly, I have absolutely no idea what that means,” he added.
A music video of Huntsman’s dance routine has already reached eighty million views on Youtube. The success of the strategy has inspired other candidates – early reports indicate that Mitt Romney will soon be releasing a video cover of Sexy and I Know It.