Even Deaf Basketball Players Need to Wear Dr. Dre Headphones

New freshman basketball stand-out Steven Pinnauricle was recently pressured into wearing Beats by, Dr. Dre headphones, around campus despite being completely deaf.
Pinnauricle, born in southern Ethiopia, lost all of his hearing in an accident involving a hammer, an anvil, and a stirrup. Not letting his disability impede his promising athletic career, he secured a scholarship to Vanderbilt some 18 months ago after a record-setting season at Ethiopia High.
Only a casual listener of music, Pinnauricle had no intentions of following the trend set by his teammates and wearing Dr. Dre’s now iconic headphones around campus, but the team had other plans for him. In a recent vote, his team unanimously decided that he would wear the headphones around campus and in dormitory lobbies.
When asked why his team would force this upon him, John Jenkins merely stated, “I don’t wanna be hearing all this talk about us forcing all this stuff on him. I’m tired of all this noise. We know what’s best for him.” When asked if he wanted to change this quote in light of the fact one of his fellow teammates cannot actually hear anything, he simply made several consecutive 3-point jumpers.
Pinnauricle apparently tried to get his teammates to agree he could wear the ear-bud version of the headphones, but all of his requests fell on deaf ears.
An interview with Pinnauricle was attempted, but when asked how he felt about the team’s decision, he simply said, “Huh?” Whether this was an indicator of a deficiency in his comprehension of the inquiry presented to him, or whether he is just deaf, remains unknown. I wrote my question of, “Do you have some ear muffs for your first real winter?” on a slip of paper and he scoffed at me and wrote back that he didn’t wear ear muffs, on principle.
I continued my research on his Facebook page, and things to note would be that his favorite artist is Picasso, his favorite composer Beethoven, and his favorite movie is Dumbo.
One other thing Pinnauricle related was that due to his humble beginnings, finding the money for such expensive headphones would be difficult, and when he asked his teammates if he could buy knock-off Dr. Dre headphones, they glared at him and told him to never mention something like that again and they would turn a deaf ear to it once, but only just this once.