From the Editor: My Sister is Really Smart!

My sister is super smart! Just check out this thing she wrote for her history class in high school. It’s a mock interview of a Roman general:
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You may have heard of Clementicus’ “10 to 1” victory at Merionicon, but as his general Johanthancus says, “the Romans scraped by, barely defeating the Volturi.” What in the world could have happened that would make the great Roman army falter against the Volturi? It may be the fact that their great leader Clementicus was found drunk and stuffed with food at the time of battle. Hmm, or it could be the fact that several soldiers mysteriously disappeared after listening to Clementicus play the violin. But never fear loyal readers, I’ve conducted an investigation as to what really happened at Merionicon.
I sat down with Emperor Clementicus himself hoping to find out the truth.
Maddie King: So Clementicus, what do you think was key to defeating the Volturi?
Clementicus: Definitely my amazing military leadership. I’ve trained the best army in the world. Nothing could stop my legions.
MK: Then how do you explain the fact that 90% of your troops were killed?
C: (After a long pause) I don’t feel comfortable talking about that.
MK: May I ask why?
C: No.
MK: Okay. I also heard you sacked the barbarians’ villages. Do you have any treasures from your sacking?
C: No, of course not! Why would anyone want the barbarians’ stuff?
MK: Well, don’t they have large sums of gold and marble that can’t be found anywhere else?
C: If they did, we did not find any of it, I assure you.
MK: Alright moving on. How’s Johanthancus?
C: He is no longer in my army due to misconduct.
MK: That’s interesting. Isn’t he one of your best generals?
C: At one time, yes, but I can’t have any disobediant solders.
MK: I see. Do you know what happened to several of your soldiers before the battle even begun? They were last seen listening to you play the violin.
C: I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I am a very good violinist. Would you like to hear?
MK: No, I’m good. I have one more -
C: Listen! I’ve been working on this wonderful piece.
(After a brief break to hear the Emperor’s music.)
MK: Now that you’ve defeated the Volturi, what do you plan to do?
C: Well as you can see, Rome is clearly prospering and I have decreed this time Pax Romana Per Clementicus, and I’m having some of my slaves – I mean citizens – make monuments to commerate the time.
I tried to contact Johanthancus to hear his side of the story, but he is rumored to have gone underground to avoid the wrath of Clementicus. I’m afraid we’ll never know what truly happened at Merionicon, especially with our great Emperor Clementicus controlling the story.
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