Dear Slant,
Mom says it’s time for you to come downstairs and eat dinner. We’re having that broccoli casserole stuff with mashed potatoes and the leftover hot dogs from last night.
Mom says not to let you just sit up in your room. You have to come downstairs. Mom says you spend too much time up there by yourself. Dad said that he thinks you’re probably just jiggling your joystick. I’m not sure what that means but Mom laughed at him when he said it.
Anyway the food is already out on the table so just come down here, OK?
Also, have you seen my Barbie doll? I left her sitting out on the table and now she’s gone.
Love,
Your Little Sister
Nikki Slant
Eau Claire, WI
DEAR SLANT,
WHY HAS YOUR PUBLICATION REMAINED SUSPICIOUSLY SILENT ON THE SUBJECT OF CHEMTRAILS?
EVERYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND KNOWS THAT THE GOVERNMENT HAS BEEN USING AIRPLANES TO POISIN OUR BRAINS BY RAINING CHEMICALS UPON US FROM THE SKY.
BY REMAINING SILENT ON THIS ISSUE YOU ARE NOT JUST PUTTING YOURSELVES AT RISK, YOU ARE DOING A DISSERVICE TO ALL WHO READ YOUR PUBLICATION. WE ALL NEED TO KNOW THE IMPORTANCE OF NOT BREATHING OUTSIDE IN ORDER TO PROTECT OURSELVES FROM THE FALLING CHEMICALS.
PLEASE DO NOT LET THE FACT THAT I ALWAYS USE ALL CAPS DETRACT FROM MY CREDIBILITY AS A PERSON.
- Michael Thomas,
New York, NY
Dear Slant,
Could you please write something in your paper that will help me better understand Being and Time by Martin Heidigger. I have no idea what this book is about.
Is there some sort of trick to reading this book? I’m about fifty pages in right now and near as I can tell I still haven’t made it to the end of the first sentence.
I am willing to do whatever it takes to understand this book, Slant. Really. Are there any cheat codes I can enter? If I bribe the book, will it be nicer to me? What if I tried to make some sort of sacrifice to the ghost of Heidigger? Would that help? If I go with the sacrifice, should I use live chickens or will dead ones be alright? Do you know anywhere on campus where I can purchase live chickens?
- Claire McCallum,
Nashville, TN
