From The Editor

Hey guys, I didn’t really have time to write a “From the Editor” for this issue, so you should really just move on to some other section.
Seriously, there’s nothing here. I was super busy this past week and I didn’t have time to write anything to put here. Stop reading now.
I promise you, there is nothing to read here. I’ll admit that it’s my fault I didn’t have time to get this done. But I had to go to Washington, D.C., this weekend to celebrate Easter with my family. I mean I guess I didn’t ‘have’ to do that, but I really wanted to go. I mean, come on, I haven’t seen my family since the semester started! What, you think the “From the Editor” column is more important than my family? Well of course you would say that, you’re not a member of my family.
But seriously, I’ve got nothing here. Just stop reading. Stop. Now. I assure you, there will be no reward for finishing this column.
You know that part of “Fight Club” where they start Project Mayhem and in order to join you need to stand outside the door for three days while Brad Pitt tells you that you can’t join? Well, this isn’t like that at all. I swear on all that is holy there is nothing in this column.
What the hell, bro? Why are you still here? There are so many better stories in this issue. Did you see that thing on page 3 about the Bon Jovi songs? It’s really funny; go read that instead of this. There isn’t anything here.
Christ in heaven, what am I going to have to do to convince you to stop reading this section? Maybe you’ll go away if I just stop typing right now.
DAMMIT YOU’RE STILL HERE.
As a matter of fact, if you won’t respect my authority as EIC, then you don’t deserve to be reading this publication. Put this copy back in the nearest Slant distribution thingy so it can go to someone who will actually listen to me.
I know what you’re thinking. You’re betting that at some point I’ll quit telling you to stop reading and then I’ll say something really profound. And then you can go talk to all of your friends and be like “Oh yeah, you need to read to the end of the ‘From the Editor,’ he says something really cool in the last paragraph.”
Well the joke’s on you! There is nothing profound in the last paragraph of this column. Do you know how I know that? Because this is the last paragraph of the column.