The Vanderbilt Music Group did a great job setting up a Rites of Spring festival this year that truly caters to Vandy students. What’s so special, you ask? Why, none other than the plethora of sexual innuendos (or in-YOUR-endos) and alcohol policy carefully designed to make this weekend fun for all, of course!
Rites of Spring is admittedly an off-year this year, with many students disappointed in this year’s musical guests… which makes alcohol that much more important to everyone’s enjoyment of the weekend. As sophomore Kathy McDonald remarked, “They [VMG] just let me down with this line-up… Why couldn’t we get someone good like OAR?” Junior Patrick Tarantino added, “Yeah, I was really hoping for OAR! They’re my favorite band, and TOTALLY still relevant in today’s music scene!”
In fact, Vanderbilt has established a top-secret mathematical formula to determine which years Rites will host good acts. This is how they determined to bring Run DMC to Rites in 1998, starting a long history of bringing rap artists to every event on campus. They also scored a huge hit in 2002 when they had none other than legendary rock and roll band OAR come and put on a REAL show!
Yet while musical guests this year are not stellar, they are clearly designed to please the average Vandy kid with the plethora of sexual euphemisms in their names and music. Friday afternoon had “Lubriphonic” followed directly by the “2 Door” Cinema Club– because everyone knows you need Lube before going in through the back door. Unfortunately, 2 Door Cinema Club has had to cancel their performance this year, due to a rough ride last weekend when too many people forced their way into the tour van through various openings and the chassis suffered some minor rips and tears.
Saturday, we are all going to get a look at Trombone’s “Shorty,” and at 5:55 be treated to JJ Grey and “Mo-fo.” Finally, late Saturday we’re going to take a dip in the “Passion Pit” as Ben Harper shows us how he likes it: Relentless.
To help deal with these average performances, each student is allowed to bring in 6 12-oz cans of beer. Enough to get sauced for a few hours, at least. However, Vanderbilt helps guarantee the maximum kick from your alcohol by only allowing you to carry in one bottle of water, with no other drinks to alternate with your beers, and you’re not allowed to bring in any food to slow the absorption either. Also advocating the overconsumption of alcohol at Rites of Spring are Drake and Ben Harper, who are coming as part of the Campus Consciousness Tour. Drake had this to say: “Consciousness is a huge issue on college campuses nationwide. My tour is to raise awareness of the consciousness problem and get those poor few freshmen who are still standing something else to drink!”
So remember to drink responsibly (take advantage of the limit you’re allowed to carry in and/or heavy pregaming) and enjoy the weekend; you will know you had a good time when Sunday morning comes and you can’t remember a thing, and Alumni Lawn is coated with more trash than the front porches in Memphis.
