Last week I was lucky to be among hundreds who saw Ralph Nader and John Stossel talk about capitalism. While the subject matter was only mildly interesting and the event lengthy, everyone was rewarded with what they came to see– two old geezers doing epic battle on stage. And of course a glimpse of the legendary, iconic mustache that is John Stossel’s.
The event was structured with some talking from each speaker, then several other friendly categories such as swimwear and a talent portion. It then got more competitive with a Super Smash Brothers Brawl best of 3, a game of Croquet, and Not Repeatedly Losing Presidential Races, all of which were swept effortlessly by Stossel.
However, Ralph Nader, in his own words, “pwned that noob [Stossel]” in the speeches and Q and A, despite a slow start. Ralph, at age 76, gave a sluggish speech that criticized various forms of dickery in government and business, which was followed up by a tight, well-practiced speech by John which amounted to a bunch of cheap shots at Nader (hey, that’s our job!). Stossel’s digs at Nader got him quick early points with the audience, but his advantage quickly disappeared when the audience was allowed to ask questions. At this point, Nader perked up and said “What, people were actually listening to me?” and used the 13 years of wisdom and 4 failed campaigns he has on Stossel to wow attendees.
In the typical politician’s style, each speaker totally ignored each question and seized the opportunity to drive home his one good point: “Mr. Nader, what is your favorite color?”– and instead of yelling “GREEN!” and being done with it, he spent a while complaining about the trouble he was having getting Medicare to pay for his electric scooter. His trouble concentrating in the face of such a brilliant mustache can be understood, though. Such a brilliant… thick… dreamy… fluffy… mustache… mmmmmmm…….. oh I just wanna rub my face all over it… mustacheeeee… 
|D
Stossel’s answers to questions mostly consisted of “let the consumer show their support to whoever provides the best product” which the audience took to heart when they erupted into applause for all of Nader’s comments. John put up a good fight but just could not rally the audience for his side. He totally missed a response to one question and looked pretty ill when the moderator extended the time for questions. Good thing he’s a capitalist and OK with owning lots of things, so he felt comfortable getting owned so hard by Nader at public speaking. Seriously, who saw that coming from someone older than John McCain?
The talk ended with a simple question: to give Obama a rating. Stossel responded quickly with “’F’ for fruitcake” while Nader apparently got confused and spent several minutes whining about the environment before giving his predictions for LOST and commenting on the weather.
A packed Langford Auditorium made the event a huge success. We all learned a little about capitalism thanks to our ironically free tickets and saw some old guys go cane-to-cane on a hot issue. Mitt Romney even spoke the next night to wipe up for conservatives after Stossel’s brutal defeat, so all views ended up getting fairly represented. Mustache.
