My Name Is–What?

Woah, hold on a second, who does this crazy guy think he is to come over on this page and put his face over there? Well, public, I suppose this is my introduction to you, the most loyal fans and readers on Vanderbilt’s campus. I’m Clay, and I am The Slant’s new editor-in-chief for the next year! Unfortunately, that means you, the reader, will have to put up with me for an entire year. That’s gotta suck.
No, I am not some scab editor filling in during a labor crisis. I don’t work for some editorial outsourcing company, but I hear they pay pretty well. I’m just your run of the mill engineering student trying to figure out what exactly it is I’m going to engineer. I’m known to have an affinity for annoying Japanese alternative music, and I always bring the heat when I roll out on my 2006 Scion xA. If you see a tiny plastic, peanut-shaped car blaring Lady GaGa around campus, please wave! I’ll do my best not to swerve into you!
Next semester, my friend and former boss Meryem Dede will be in the great motherland. That’s right, we’re shipping her off to Russia. It’ll be the first time a woman has ever flown IN to Russia! A lot of news happens in Russia, and we at The Slant absolutely need to have a beat writer covering all of the ins and outs of Europe’s most dastardly nation. Her new role as foreign correspondent will allow for us back home in Nashville to better understand some of the great mysteries of the globe.
Erstwhile, the school days for this spring are coming to a close. Rites of Spring is looming over the ridiculous amount of work you haven’t started! Last year, we were treated to a psychedelic spectacle when The Flaming Lips, one of my personal favorites, led us into a parallel dimension of sight, sound and drunk. Regardless of your opinion on the artists, I’m sure you will be having one hell of a weekend. Even if the weekend isn’t a memorable one, literally that is, make sure that you stay safe. You won’t be enjoying your summer if you’re a new parent or find yourself in jail.