New Story Ideas (as of 3-19-10) for Issue that Debuts on 3-24-10

Slant Funny Ideas (3-19-10)

This issue publishes on 3-24-10

Meetings: Thursdays at 8 PM, Sarratt 130

Submit your writing(s) by the Sunday before production (by 1pm, plz)

Production times:

Sunday from 5-10

Monday from 1-11pm

Tuesday from 5-8pm

For all: Sarratt 130

Features:

Front Page (300 words) x 3

Big Stories = 500-800 words-ish

Short Stories = 375-500 words-ish

Top 10 list

Around the Loop (ATL)

Fucked Image

Bastard Confession

Center Spread

Throwaways (w/ pics)

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NEW IDEAS

1)      Spring Break Exploits

1. Personal anecdotes
2. Vandy’s Spring Break being too early, all my other friends were either out of town or taking their own midterms

2)      Point/Counterpoint/Counter-counterpoint

1. Slaving at ASB vs. Relaxing in/on/at Cancun/Beach vs. Sitting at Home

3)      Obama predicts Vandy to lose in the first round of March Madness

1. If only you yelled more, all 8 of you who attended the game
   1. i.      Failure of the 6^th man
      1. Failure of the university to inspire the 6^th man and get the students/fans out to San Jose; stupid, apathetic email.
         1. “Tickets cost $83, get your own ass there and find somewhere to put it once you arrive.”

4)      ATL:

1. What did you do for Spring Break?

5)      Facial hair styles   [Dibs: JUSTIN BARISICH]

1. Now that it’s getting warmer, you longer need to hide behind that grizzly lumberjack beard. So, have fun and experiment with the “art of subtraction” and see what follicle art you can create on yourself, or on your drugged roommate.
2. Return of the Hitler mustache (he can’t take it to the grave with him!)

6)      Mock Interview [Dibs: ZACH WRIGHT]

1. Of a dead, unimportant person
2. Make fun of Versus
   1. i.      Parody their interview with the producer of Hot Tub Time Machine

7)      The Black-Jewish Alliance (BJA)   [Dibs: JUSTIN BARISICH]

1. The “BJ” Alliance.
   1. i.      Main event: March 14^th, Steak and Blowjob Day
   2. ii.      Many new supporters join this club out of plain ole’ confusion and a lack of truth in advertising

8)      Top 10:

1. Things that are better to do with a partner.
   1. i.      Sex
      1. Procrastination is like masturbation, it all feels good until you realize you’re just fucking yourself.
      2. ii.      Drinking
         1. Because then it’s not alcoholism.
         2. iii.      Tandem bicycling
         3. iv.      Assisted suicide
         4. v.      Playing checkers
         5. vi.      The luge
         6. vii.      Rock’Em Sock’Em Robots
         7. viii.      Sponge baths
         8. ix.      Making banana pancakes
         9. x.      Holding hands
         10. xi.      Getting married
         11. xii.      Talking/sexting

9)      Parodies of popular books/stories

10)  Guest Speakers

1. Ultimate Battle between Ralph Nader, Mitt Romney, and John Stossel, all of whom are coming to give speeches within a 2-day span for the annual IMPACT Symposium.

11)  “Honest” tours of campus [Dibs: CLAY CHRISTAIN]

12)  Fucked Image: A fake Derby Days Clue

13)  MOSAIC Weekend [Dibs: JOJACKSON]

14)  New YES class registration system

1. Include a picture of the Yes band.

15)  Sleep [Dibs: ZACH WRIGHT]

1. Walking
2. Eating
3. Raping
4. Doing the dishes

16)  Bastard Confession:

1. Daylight Savings Time Man
   1. i.      “I stole your hour, biotch! But I’ll give it back to you later, I promise.”

17)  Café Con Leche

1. Performers actually prefer tea
2. Fights against café au lait
3. Other events begin to take beverage names as well
   1. i.      PNYF: Pepsi New Year Festival

18)  Rainbow ReVU Week

1. Throw a Gay Ambivalence/Disillusionment Parade
2. “Stop making me feel bad. I can’t help it that I’m not gay!”

19)  ASBenefit

1. Essentially, massive orgy with superfluous reminiscing

20)  S.S. Rand goes to Somalia

1. Gets kidnapped by pirates, passengers held hostage, no food gets delivered
2. But the students are impressed by the amount of effort and rehearsing the dining staff did to make the dinner realistic.

21)  Essay on Feminism [Dibs: Candace Clavyon]