Winter Olympics experience Seasonal Affective Disorder

A petition filed by a grassroots international coalition to move the Winter Olympics to a more favorable season, Spring, has been voted on and approved by the International Olympic Committee. Although general initial response was surprise and dismay, upon further consideration fans, athletes and television networks are excited.

“Honestly, it’s cold and boring here,” one fan lamented at the Vancouver games. Some argued that that’s just Canada, but consultation of viewing numbers and a survey of fans revealed otherwise. In the US, American Idol still had higher numbers than the Olympics, meaning that America, so presumably the world, thrives on mediocrity and petty drama. “Having the Olympics in the spring would allow for an MTV Spring Break-esque atmosphere at the Games. There’d be hookups and breakups galore, plenty of backstabbing, and we know all the athletes look great in swimwear,” an Olympic official told this Slant reporter. It has also been rumored that Jersey Shore’s ‘The Situation’ has been hired as a consultant on this social aspect of the Games to report in 2014.

The athletes are pumped about this new era as well, because the events are staying the same despite the move. The ice skaters will have to quadruple lutz over holes in the ice, hockey players can push each other into the water instead of checking, luge and skeleton will more so resemble giant water slides and skiers will have to avoid grass patches. These modifications will challenge the athletes mentally and physically, adding a new dimension to their game. Furthermore, the sheer danger and stupidity of the sports now are not only interesting, but captivating, appealing to everybody’s reckless side. “I’m so stoked for these Games. I’ve never shredded a half-pipe with melting snow before, but it’s just going to add to my skills. Some say it’s impossible, I say I’m Shaun White,” America’s favorite red-head since Little Orphan Annie said.

NBC is so excited about the move that they filed a subsequent petition moving for the Olympics to be held every spring, flatly denying accusations that this was filed to further avoid coming up with programming to fill their gaping schedule and help their horrendous ratings. Despite motivations, everybody can agree: these new Olympics are brilliant – part reality show, part stupid human tricks, part international cooperation and copulation. Everything America loves and more.

Related posts:

1. Chicago v Rio = Easiest Call Ever The city of Chicago recently made a strong bid...
2. Winter Olympic Sports Finally Explained! Sort of…. The Olympics are widely celebrated throughout the world as a...
3. Burrito Baron ‘Chipotle’ Wreaks Havoc in Nashville That’s right folks, the moment you’ve all been waiting for...
4. The Slant VS The Rec any advice would be appreciated. thanks....
5. Cameron Sparks Controversy with Box Office Smash Cameron Sparks Controversy with Box Office Smash By Joe Souter...