Counterpoint: No Party like a Vandy Party!

Ok, I know that “New Orleans” sounds great and all but people really have to slow down and think about what is there and what we got there. I’m pretty sure that if you really think about it you’ll realize that there’s no party like a Vandy Party starting with the….

Vandy Cards! Oh yeah sure you can throw some beads and get a look at some boobs, but you can also flash your Vandy Card here and say “Bitch, I’m here for the party”. Boobs are great, but acting like a big cocky douche bag is definitely better. Besides beads are cheap, and everyone knows Vandy students are way classier than beads. That’s why we drink Natty light, and get sloppy with each other on the dance floor and…. Ok…. So maybe “classy” isn’t really the best word, but who the hell cares about plastic toys made in China? The only thing at Vandy that comes from China is…

Our Food! Mmm Branscomb breakfast (and the secret ingredient is mercury!) is so delicious. What’s that you say? Feeling ritzy? Well come on down to the Qdoba on West End where you get to eat with every single stoner in Nashville. Stoner’s have a lot of advantageous over New Orleans. First of all they are quiet, second of all they are really fucking quiet and third of all they’re like the nicest people in the world…. I think…. I’ve never really gotten that close to one. But really there is one thing at Vandy that stands far and beyond better than New Orleans and that’s….

Our Crime Rate! Question time, which one would you rather like inserted into your body, a stomach pump, or a rusty shank? Yeah, I thought so, I don’t know about you but I like NOT worrying about if my tetanus shots are up to date. But violent crime isn’t your only concern at New Orleans; you’ve got to watch out for pick-pocketers too. Let’s be honest, no Vandy kid is stealing from you period. Anything that Vandy Boy or Vandy Girl wants, they get from Mommy or Daddy, and why steal when you can buy? New Orleans is a little different, aka poor aka they steal, aka you will lose all your credit cards and cell phone when you are drunk, aka enjoy the twenty hours of phone calls to Burkina Fasa and Azerbaijan, aka your parents are NOT buying you your 4^th iPhone replacement. So yeah, crime, enough said.

Now that I established that Vandy is clearly the better party place for Mardi Gras, I bet you all want to just sell your plane tickets and hotel rooms for like a fifth of the price now. Well that’s the smartest decision you’ve made since… well ever…. Oh and if you happen to be selling those tickets, please shoot me an email…. I think I know some random guy that may be willing to take them off your hands.

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