Unfortunate Branding Choice Leads to Spike in Dramatic Chest Kicks
Last Wednesday Vanderbilt students officially began to care about the men’s basketball season with “Madness,” an event hosted by VSG and the Vandy Fanatics. While the rally did help propel Vanderbilt to a 89-83 win over Missouri, administrators feel the title “Madness,” may be responsible for 23 reported King Leonidas style chest kickings that night.
The event was publicized across campus by tantalizingly ambiguous posters which simply read “Madness: 12-2-2009″ While the posters did serve to peak student interest in the rally, they also left many confused as to where they should go on Wednesday night.
Lindsay Walters was one of these confused students: “I was trying to make my way to the pep really, and I saw a group of people. So I turned to one of them and asked, ‘This is Madness, right?’ And instead of answering, he just shouted something and kicked me right in the chest.”
Other eyewitnesses report that the boy had yelled “This is Sparta!” a phrase made famous by the Zack Snyder movie 300. According to Jimmy Tolin, the self-described biggest 300 fan in the world, “The mighty Gerrard Butler utters this powerful phrase before kicking a Persian messenger directly into a bottomless well in the middle of Sparta. You know, one of those bottomless wells that every ancient Greek city had.”
Psycology professor Maryanne Johnson says that the desire to complete a movie quote is one of the most powerful emotions a human being can have. “When a person hears the words ‘I’ll make him an offer he can’t…’ the body literally devotes all of its intention to completing the quote. The brain literally begins to shut down until the person is able to break out their Marlon Brando impression.”
This incident was the first in a rash of similar violent movie references all across campus. Even the very basketball players the event was meant to inspire were not safe from this knee jerk verbal cue. Junior AJ Ogilvy was assaulted by a a Missouri player after the following verbal exchange took place.
Missouri player- “Why are all these people here? What is this?”
Ogilvy- “This is madness.”
MIssouri player- “Ha, This is Sparta!”
*Kicks Ogilvy in chest*
VSG has learned their lesson and is already planning a different name for next year’s basketball pep rally. Reports indicate that the next event will simply be called “The football season is over.” and students will be encouraged to “Trade their pigskins for big wins.”
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