Jay-Z Gets off Subject; many are Left Feeling Fly.

“Hey you in the purple shit, with the hair on your head. Keep doing that girl. Yo, dude in the Jamaican colors, I see your shit. Guy with the shit thats half ripped-off, with the stain of what looks like mustard on the right side, no under the logo, yea there, that hot. Damn there are a lot of girls here I’d like to have sex with at some point. Memphis Bleek, do you concur?”

Jay-Z came to Vanderbilt this weekend and received quite positive reviews. After praising the school for its energy and excellent dining facilities, Jay-Z commented on our “swag” as it were. His opinions echoed the sentiments of many Commodores: we’re fresh as hell. After about solid thirty minutes of fashion critiques, Jay-Z had to continue playing music, much to the dismay of the greater Vanderbilt populace. Amidst cries of “What about my outfit!” and “Is my shirt legit?” Jay-Z sung “Forever Young”. Unfortunately its complex message couldn’t penetrate the pleas for advice on color-coordination and fall-styles.

In order to gauge the university’s opinions of the concert, I talked to a few random people afterwards. I first spoke with a large cluster of people, who told me they didn’t go to Vanderbilt, and then told me to “fuck off”. After 30 minutes and many similar responses from non-students, I finally found someone who actually went to Vanderbilt and the concert.

“Oh man, when he got up there and started talking about clothes, he totally pointed at me!”

When asked about the actual concert, this person had said nothing except, “yea there was music and stuff, which was pretty cool”.

After that person passed out in the street I decided to find a girl to get the female perspective. I asked the same question as before: what did you think of the concert?

“It’s not everyday that a fashion legend comes to Vanderbilt. I mean, he definitely saw me in my new heels and pearls.”

And the music?

“I’m not a fan of foreign music, but wow, Jazzy here at Vanderbilt!”

After such a positive response Vanderbilt Student Government has already tried to get in contact with Common and P Diddy. Bob Dylan will no longer be passing through Vanderbilt, as he was deemed “not nearly fresh enough”.