THE iPHONE. It’s become a quintessential and mandatory part of life on Vanderbilt campus. It’s like mixing your old iTouch and Blackberry into one device, ensuring that only one electronic item can get damaged while playing beer pong. Needless to say, it makes life complete.
As an avid iPhone addict myself (you think I’m kidding, I’ll have a legit panic attack if I can’t find it), I’ve been searching for the best apps: the most useful, the most relevant, and the most insane. I filtered through apps that made your phone double as a vibrator, track periods, calculate fertility, give you sex ed, track every calorie you consume, give you diet tips, provide useless one-time-only quizzes, rate dates, and multitudinous other extraneous gloriousness…to bring you this list. In this article, I’ll provide you with two Top 10 lists—those apps that we Vandy students have access to (and simply need to make life complete—besides the Facebook, Zippo Lighter, and FML apps), and those that would make our lives as Commodores so much easier.
TOP 10 iPHONE APPS YOU NEED:
- gpsAssassin (Free): This app works with the GPS in your iPhone to track yourself—and everyone else with this app—and arm you…for battle. Create a bitchin’ codename, create some rocking awesome weapons, and attack away. Here’s the catch—even when the app isn’t open, you’re always playing. Yes, I do mean ALWAYS…so get ready to randomly be killed at 2 AM, unless you’re smart and hide…for the 4 hours you can. Get ready for brilliant addictive chaos—and if you kill someone with the codename “columbia,” you’ll wish very quickly you hadn’t…
- MLIA (Free): FML is great for shits and giggles, but at the end of it, unless it epically deserved the fuck-your-life-able status, you forget them. Not so with My Life Is Average…because far too often, they’re too epically awesome. Example: “Today, while on the NYC subway, a really intimidating thug tapped me on the shoulder when I was changing the song on my iPod. I got really nervous that something bad was about to happen, but I acknowledged him anyway. Turns out he just wanted to show me he had the Glee! soundtrack on his iPod too. It made my day. MLIA”
- Echofon (Free): Facebook Mobile is fine, but isn’t it really just for status updates and writing on walls? Welcome to a free Twitter app to stalk every celeb you know, along with the select few (and awesome) Vandy kids (such as myself, stcharly). Just like updating your Facebook status…only insanely often.
- Convert Units for Free (Free…duh): Gotta convert angles, areas, data, energy, forces—any of that math or science insanity? Look no further than your phone. Every student in with a class in Stevenson is currently doing cartwheels.
- I Am T-Pain ($2.99): I know, Jay-Z, D.O.A. is totally against this app…but dude, autotuning yourself is the shit for anyone, admit it.
- Chipotle Ordering (Free): Wanna know how Qdoba gets beat? When Chipotle has go-ahead ordering—right from this app. 2AM burrito runs just got a whole lot better.
- Bump (Free): Because exchanging numbers by text is so pre-college. You store yourself as a contact, meet someone else with Bump, both open the applications…and Bump.
- ShopStyle Mobile (Free): Wanna find J Crew, Vineyard Vines, Lacoste, and every other Vandy-crazed label all in one place—at a discount? Say hello to this app. Your wallet thanks you, Shopaholic.
- Beer Coaster—Drink Counter (Free): Count how many beers, glasses of wine, cocktails, or non-alcoholic drinks (pshhhhhh) that you drink in a night. Every Deb’s best friend!
- BMI Calculator (Free): Hey, I said there’d be no CALORIE counters, not BMI calculators!! That’s totally different!!
TOP 10 iPHONE APPS YOU WISH YOU HAD:
- Rate My Hookup: Send a pic of that hottie at the frat to other, currently sober time zones in order to get a clear judgment of legit hotness. To hookup or no?
- Slut/Douche Rater: Made in the same mindset as Rate My Hookup, it gives unbiased judgment on frat party wear. Must your bust push up that much?
- Updates of Pub Orders: Sick of stalling awkwardly away from your table for over an hour waiting for food that you’re not sure will EVER come at this rate? Get updates on your order instantly with messages like “Sorry, your fries just got yanked by another football player” and “Oh, just come back next week and try again.”
- Random Number Game: How about making drunk dialing easier by using an app that picks a number for you? Or even when sober, call a random number and pretend to be someone else just to fuck with them!
- Prank Number: This app takes your number and will add your number and give you a random name in someone else’s contact list. Let the Domino’s call come pouring in to you!
- Change Contacts: Pick a person in your contact list and have all their contact names changed magically to Sesame Street, Harry Potter, Twilight, Biblical, or Music Star names!
- Farmville Update: Worried about your crop of grapes dying in class? No big, harvest, plow, and plant all from here!
- Syllabus Merger: Get all your syllabi imported into your iPhone calendar with reminders a week ahead, night before, and 30 minutes before assignments are due. Planners? Such a waste of paper!
- Breathalyzer: Sure, you can get that clumsy attachment, but wouldn’t it be better to just blow where the speaker is and have your BAC magically appear on the screen?
- Hustler Verification: They’re far too serious to be trusted.
There you have it, iPhone loving friends—your complete guide to what really is necessary in life…er, you iPhone’s app list.
