The Slant VS The Slant

“The Slant V.S.” is where the staff of The Slant, or more accurately me, decides to channel all their unfettered hatred in their lives toward one unsuspecting victim.  This is “The Slant V.S.”

The Slant V.S….The Slant

 

Be honest.  You didn’t see that one coming.  Unless you looked down here before reading the preface.  In that case, 1. Learn how to read, and 2. You’re next.

The Slant…jeez where to start…I mean you’d think we’d give a little slack to one thing at this school that puts out a good product?  Why make fun of ourselves when The Hustler and Rand provide enough typo and diarrhea laden quips to last a lifetime?  Here’s why: Read one of our issues.  I’m talking the whole thing.  Chances are you never heard a group of people so self-righteous in your life.  Who are we to pass judgment on the student body of Vanderbilt?  If you answered “clique of wannabe indie-hipsters, “individuals”, and sarcastic assholes”, then yea, you got it right.  GREAT WORK.  You’ve probably seen some of us, walking to class, with our moccasins and flannel shirts, listening to Arcade Fire on our Zunes.  Those would be the aforementioned wannabe indie-hipsters.  The “individuals” can be spotted easily by whether or not they own a black Northface.  The sarcastic assholes are the hardest to spot.  Usually you have to talk to them.  If you have a conversation with a seemingly normal person and you say to yourself “what a derisive jackass” afterward, you probably just had a conversation with a member of the Slant.  Congrats.

Our meetings consist of this curious amalgam of people trying to come up with something original for 45 minutes before falling back on the all-to-easy HOD/Greek Life/H1N1/ whatever was on Digg that day, jokes.  And trust me…its easy.  Like kicking a seal in its adorable face, easy.

So why would such a group of Vanderbilt-loathing people stay at Vanderbilt? 

Without an outlet for our ridicule how would we inflate our sense of importance?  If we were at a school where everything was perfect we wouldn’t be “kind of funny” or “unique” or even “interesting”, we’d just be dicks.  So yea, we’re kind of like social masochists but we have Vanderbilt to thank for that.  And trust me, we’re thankful.

Thank you for closing dining halls for half the week.

Thank you for running a QB draw five times in a row.

Thank you for extorting money from us whenever we need books.

Thank you for setting up more tents than Kublai Kahn himself.

Thanks for all the material Vanderbilt.

-Zach Wright