By: Andrew Ligon
In this economy it’s becoming increasingly obvious that all majors are not created equal. Some are simply better (and harder). Now I know what you’re thinking, “How can I possibly know which one to pick?” Well, fear not my freshman friend or indecisive sophomore friend, or incredibly screwed junior friend, or not-gonna-graduate “senior” friend, The Slant has gone through painstaking resource to bring you the hardest and best majors that Vanderbilt has to offer. Enjoy!
1. Engineering- Ahh, the crème de la crème of Vanderbilt. This whole economy thing doesn’t scare you at all. You’re beating employers away with a stick, which is unusual for you because you never got that experience with the ladies. But don’t fret, once this whole college thing blows over you are the most eligible bachelor out there. Cheers!
2. Engineering Science- Don’t worry, even your employer doesn’t know this isn’t real engineering.
3. Pre-Med- Or as I like to call them: Freshmen. Enjoy your mind numbing biology and chemistry classes, it’s not like you’ll be taking them next semester. But don’t worry there are lots of majors that are just begging for you to join their masses such as….
4. Economics- Ok so now you’re a sophomore and it turns out being a doctor is a lot of hard work and you have too much pride to jump on the HOD boat (don’t worry, pride is a common flaw at your age). Well it turns out that you can still become insanely rich. It’s called economics, and you don’t even have to touch dead people (usually). So, go ahead and trade in that Organic Chemistry book for Macroeconomics, and good luck pulling up your first semester GPA, because that thing isn’t ever leaving you.
5. Political Science- Welcome to the next level of failure. I know I know, you want to make money, but math is fucking intimidating, and you can only write decently. What are you ever to do? Enter political science. Sure, it’s fun now, but you also have to go to law school if you ever want your parents to love you again, and let’s be frank, you still want to make money too.
6. Other Social Sciences- This is an odd group, you seem to actually enjoy what you’re doing. Do you have any idea what the starting salary is for a psychologist or sociologist? It’s called poverty, and it’s not funny. The good news is it still sounds employable so your parents aren’t in tears. Well they aren’t in tears yet, until you do that whole job hunt thing and tell them you need another five to six years of fifty-grand a year schooling.
7. Humanities- See above, except your parents began crying the day you told them.
8. Musicians/ Studio Arts- Ok, it’s too easy to make starvation jokes. And even though you make the joke too, you die a little on the inside every time. It’s ok that feeling is normal: it’s called hunger.
9. Education Majors- Lucky for you, your parents obviously support your decision to be poor forever, unless you’re counting on that inheritance money when your parents/grandparents take a really long nap. You know what you want to do, and that’s not being able to afford a satellite dish…… ever.
10. Human and Organizational Development- What joke hasn’t been done here? Coloring inside the lines, using crayons, no Friday classes, a “real” major and plain out stupidity has all been used by all your supposed friends. But here’s the real joke: you’re number 10 on this list and you’re going to be making as much as number 1. Party hard, you can afford to do it and still make bank. Enjoy rubbing all of your delicious, yes it’s fucking delicious, money in all your friends’ faces.
