Suburban Dictionary

By: Matthew Preston

1. Youtube Comments- Where the world’s worst critics vie for the title “least grammatical.”

2. Facebook Albums- Pictures of people who are oblivious of the events around them.

3. Facebook Wall Video- Failures at impromptu communication.

4. Facebook friend- A type of sub-acquaintance that translates roughly into one one-hundredth of a real friend.

5. Mirror Pic- Vanity cubed.

6. Bro- An overly laid-back, semi-conscious person whose language consists of thirty short phrases.

7. Broganic- To be one of the few authentically bro-ish people on earth.

8. Brostensible- A person who feigns bro-ishness for sexual gain or social acceptance.

9. Fratulance- Any suffocatingly-potent frat-like expression (i.e. smelling like Axe body spray, popping your collar, relying on the word “gay” too much as an adjective).

10. Sororicratic Method- A way of speaking, used by many sororities, where all statements are spoken as if they were questions.

11. Michael Bay- A special effects pornographer engineered by sentient robots to wage war on mankind’s brain cells.

12. Hata’s- A group of people, now mostly extinct, that are embellished in a way similar to “terrorists” in George Orwell’s 1984 in order to maintain superfluous lines of racial division and hostility.